six months

What? its already December? Six months passed by sooooooo fast! Things are going well, sing scores are vary. School's nice, friends are great. ive finally found where my next path will be, in Communication or Business. yeah yeah yeah

OKAY. Gue baru baca postingan gue sebelumnya ttg insecure feelings gue ttg coming back home, but now i'm like having a great time and great things. And the best thing is, i dunno how but i think i've changed a lot, like whoa. who i am today is not Adelia last year. I mean, okay skip that crappy part about independence and bla bla, but well, i think that ive changed 180 degrees . more extrovert, cheerful, witty (wew) and else. and i like love love love it. Apakah ada yg berpikir kalo gue juga sangat berubah dan jadi pecicilan tingkat tinggi?

okay actually i dunno what to write now. bye

Time goes by...

...so slowly?
kadang kadang sih iya, especially when things dont go our way or when we're waiting for something. But most of the time, time goes by so damn fast for me. Mungkin waktu lagi dijalanin kerasa lambat, but then when i stop for a moment and look back, i'm always surprised how far i've gone and how fast time has passed me by. contohnya dulu waktu exchange year gue, kayaknya lamaaa banget nunggu hari berganti hari tapi sekarang saat gue udah balik lagi di jakarta, gue ngerasa wah, cepet banget setaun itu lewat, terlalu cepat malah.

konsekuensi kecepatan waktu ini (sok berat banget)adalah ke umur. oops i know its a sensitive problem lol. tapi ya, sekarang gue ngerasa, wow i am not young anymore. well, okay, eighteen is not that old, but when youre eighteen, your teenage years are over. people expect you to be mature (wth is maturity anyway?) and stop acting like a kid. okay gue ngga akan menjadikan postingan ini sebagai fate or age denial, tapi kalo mikirin umur dan waktu yg terus jalan, gue jadi agak terganggu aja. bukan karena sindrom wanita yang agak sensitif mengenai masalah umur, tapi lebih ke kebingungan dan sedikit penyesalan kenapa gue belom bisa berbuat banyak seperti orang-orang yang gue lihat di sekitar gue.

Coba liat Miley Cyrus atau Ashley Tisdale, umur segue dan udah terkenal ke seluruh dunia. Liat Kevin Aprilio: terkenal, jago banget main piano, dan sukses. Liat Sheila Marcia: artis, terkenal, hamil, penjara. oke ini gue salah contoh. tapi mereka punya sesuatu yang bisa bikin orang orang tertarik dengan kehidupan mereka dan mereka udah bisa dapatin apa yang mereka mau (their dreams, not only material thingies)

Sementara gue, 18 going on 19 (oh shit, 19 sounds soooo old!) masih kelas 3 SMA (fortunately bcos of great reason last year), still dont know what my life passion really is, masih terobsesi terkenal tapi ngga tau gimana, and well i dunno, tapi kalo ngebandingin sama orang lain, gue berasa.... kurang.

okay, gue ngga akan meneruskan postingan ini, bcos i know it'll be another naff post from me. anyway thanks for reading, happy lebaran, maaf lahir batin :)

je vous aime.
vous m'adorez, ne dites pas le contraire!
xoxoxo

Oshin wrote me this, she slways knows what is on my mind.

I can't see how the way that you leave me only makes us close
I must be out of touch.
I wont ask you to give up on the thing that seems to keep you gone,
but I COULD BE GONE too!

Feels a little sometimes you're not here when I'm writing
Feels a little awkward sometimes you wont talk but we're not fighting
You hold on to your secrets and I'm not privy to what is on my mind
and i cant help but feel tired, so tired, so tired.

Bongkar bongkar dan saya menemukan ini

So i found my old binder from my 10th grade (which was like hundreds years ago) and i found some poetry-thingies inside it. And since that I'm not in a mood to do anything useful, I'm just gonna post them here.

How can i stop spilling my heart for you
when your name flies in my thoughts
every time i try to get you out of my mind?

How can i just walk away and pretend that you're nothing to me
when you are the oxygen that i breathe in?

How can i easily say that i don't even remember how your voice sounds
when your voice, somehow, always fulfills
my hearing and my head?

So tell me, after all of this, how could I?
And of course, how could YOU?
You just walk. And go. And talk.

Don't you know that I wanna yell right on your ear:
Do you notice that I'm gone?
Do you notice that this isn't I should be?
Do you notice that it's you who broke me down like that?

But this has gone too far away.
Guess it's really time to sing Auld Lang Syne.
Satisfied, aren't you?

Dan oke, saya tau ini puisi fraktura hepatica (patah hati, literally) banget. Dan entah terdengar sangat emo-depressing. Sudahlah.

Boyfriends may come and go, girlfriends stay forever :)

We're not just another girl-gang. Weve been together since-what? forever?
Anyway, i just love you all. Thanks for staying with me for these past 14 years ;)

What future holds

So, they were right. Senior year is not that easy and this year you need to be much more mature and be able to choose your next path.

i hate choosing, why cant i have all that i want? but that's the point of growing up, isnt it? to be able to choose between life's choices. (and i hate growing up, i'd love to be forever 17, young, careless and lively)

Anyway, i'm not gonna whine again, i'm just gonna talk about choosing my next educational path. College.

People always say to follow my heart my passion, and dont take majors that i dont like or just bcos my parents want me to. But, hello? what about being realistic? Seenaknya mengikuti kata hati dan passion mungkin segombal bicara cinta-cintaan sinetron, cinta buta dan gapeduli hal lainnya, dalam kata lain tolol. emangnya bisa bertahan cuma dengan cinta? emangnya mau makan cinta doang pas gede ntar? Sama seperti passion. Mungkin memang ada orang-orang yang mengikuti passionnya dan sukses, dan tentu saja bisa makan dari penghasilannya tersebut. Tapi mayoritas orang mencoba realistis, dan kembali menjadi kapitalis yang hanya memikirkan bagaimana bisa hidup nyaman tanpa kekurangan.

Kalau mau ikutin apa yang sebenernya saya mau, saya bakal milih Jurnalistik atau sastra atau hukum internasional, atau yang paling aneh mungkin bakal jadi artis (obsesi terkenal). I love to write and tell stories, tapi saya bukan (belum) jadi seperti Sitta Karina ataupun Raditya Dika yang jago merangkai kata kata jadi suatu karya yang menarik dan berkesan.But one thing, i know that writing and telling stories are one of my passions. Yang lainnya adalah saya mau jadi orang yang bisa merubah hidup orang banyak, seperti presiden atau mungkin sekedar volunteer PBB. Yang jelas, saya ngga mau berakhir jadi mbak-mbak kantoran yang masuk pagi pulang sore dan kerja di depan komputer terus menerus. Saya mau punya karir yang seru.

Tapi punya karir yang seru ngga segampang itu, kan? Kembali lagi ke pertanyaan "Nanti mau makan apa kalo gede?" dan pernyataan yang selalu ada diberikan semua orangtua pada anaknya ttg memilih jurusan "Cari yang gampang buat nyari kerjanya.."

Menjadi idealis berarti ngga bisa realistis, itu kesimpulan saya sejauh ini.

Saya kenal beberapa orang yang rela melepaskan impiannya demi punya prospek kerja yang cerah. Teman saya, dia sebenarnya ingin mengambil teknik penerbangan, namun karena prospek kerja di indonesia di bidang tsb ngga cerah, dia lalu mengambil jurusan yang sama dengan ayahnya dulu.

Saya masih bingung dengan pilihan yang harus saya ambil sebentar lagi.

Happy fasting, cheerio!
bises,
adelia

Alter Ego, Drama Queen, and Me.

An alter ego (Latin, "the other I") is a second self, a second personality or persona within a person. It was coined in the early nineteenth century when schizophrenia was first described by early psychologists.[1] A person with an alter ego is said to lead a double life.

Okay, not that serious. But dont you sometimes think that you have two parts, two (or more) personalities within you? I do. The first Adelia is the most positive girl in the world who always smiles and laughs and sings and feels good. The second one is the melodramatic Adelia. Its like umm, weird? Yeah call me a weirdo, because i am. When i'm having the melodramatic moments, seriously, you dont wanna know or get near me. I'll whine and complain and else. Wanna see a drama queen? You gotta see me. And when i'm done with that phase, i laugh and regret what ive done before. (okay my grammar sucks.)

That's what makes me suddenly feel guilty about one of my friends. Me and the other kids agree that she's soooo drama and hyperbolic. She tells us about her never ending love and life stories and it annoys us sooo damn much, especially me. But few days ago i had this thought, what if i'm just like this girl, what if i annoy my friends so much, just like her? I have no right to blame and hate her if i'm just the same kind of girl, right?

I called my fairly godmother, Ajay, immediately and told her what was on my mind. And like the others, she said "No, Adelia, stay calm, Youre way better than her." But somehow i just couldnt accept it just like that, i just feel guilty until now. What if the kind of girl that i hate is just her alter ego, just like me when having bad moments? Or maybe its just her? I have no idea.

Gosh, i thought i'll stop having these kind of things in my mind when i'm back home. I thought my senior year would be just all about studying. But i guess my teenage years are not over yet, or maybe it's just me? no idea.

Thats all for now,
Gros Bisous,
and i know my grammar sucks.
xoxoxo
Adelia

Update!

Hey dudes and dudettes!
Its been a super long time since my last post. Not that i dont wanna write anything, its just that the internet connection here is soo slow and annoying it makes me lazy to type, and i cant stand tying long paragraphs from my cell.

So my life has just begun (again) in the same old place but different surroundings. Ive started my 4th year of highschool back in SMA 8. Things are pretty good in school, i have some friends, my class is a blast, i love my fellow returnees, the lessons are still as crazy as always, well like ive said, its all okay. There are also some things that are pretty annoying for me, things that they call as Culture Shock. So many things are different from what we have back in France. Like how teachers mind about simple random things on their students, and the negative attitude that spreads throughout the school element, i dunno, am i just being to witty or its just the way it is in indonesia?

See, i cant share my opinions without looking like a snob who has been abroad. But yeah its all different here and there. My seniors are right, my real adventure begins not when i'm abroad but when i'm back in my natural country. Adapting will be harder here. Hope it'll be a blast too like last year.

Anywhoo. I dont think i can write as many as before. Senior year is pretty crazy, especially when you werent studying hard last year and go travelling instead lol. And i have to prepare for my SAT and TOEFL, i wanna go to Singapore Management University next year (wish me luck!) and also i have to study for UAN and SIMAK thingies because i'm scared that SMU is like too far away to reach. But i can already see myself living in spore next August :p Crossing Fingers! Last reason why i dont think i cant write like i did last year, i dont think my life has as much drama as last year. I have had enough drama for my adolescence years. Time to be an adult, i'm eighteen and its quite old (esp. im surrounded by sixteens and seventeens) I'd prefer to focus on SAT Vocabs than silly love stories like i did last year :) (But yeah, im still single and searching lol)

Okay, i gotta stop blabbering.
See ya!

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD

oke sekarang gue ada di sebuah kota kecil namanya Bollene, antara Lyon dan Marseille. Gue dipindahin hostfam krn hostfam gue pada sibuk dan gakbisa (tapi kayaknya sih gak mau) nganetrin gue ke Valence buat ambil bis ke Paris hari sabtu pagi buta. jadinya gue cabs lbh cepet. gue ceritain lengkap ntar deh di jakarta.

perpisahan dgn tmn2 sedih bgt, nangis2 dikit, sama hostfam biasa aja. hostmum gue masih brengki ngeselin abis shitty deh ntar gue ceritain males gue ngomongin dia lg sensng2 gini haha

so skrg gue lg di Bollene di hostfamnya tmn gue namanya eva, dr islandia. and it is great! ada swimming pool, gue brng, ikutan sun bathing (gatau diri udah negro haha), ada tv lenglap dgn cable dan audio sistem, tvnya juga gede haha ada PS 3, ada Wii, internet ada, keluarganya sumpah oke abis, ada bocah lucu bgt uur 5taun. tmn gue si eva juga baik bgt. dan gak ada waktu2 shitty dan crappy kayak dulu gue brg si hostmum rese gue itu haha

anyhoo gue mau liburan lagi ya!
flight gue nyampe kam 10.10 wib di sukarno hatta tgl 13; so see you when i see you :)

Facebook status on July 1st 2009

“Adelia Putri misses that feeling of having a major crush.”

No, i dont mean that feeling of having someone as your bf or dating someone. Well, yes, but that's not what i mean. What i mean is that silly feeling when you have a crush on someone(s), how suddenly there are butterflies in your stomach and your cheeks are flushing. Yeah, being in the L thing.

I'm single now, like totally single, not dating, sms-ing, being close or whatever with any guy. And before you say anything, i tell you one thing, NO, I'm not complaining about being single nor i'm in an urgent need of a guy nor I basically need someone to fancy me. Nope. It's just i've never been really out of love, like totally empty, plain, even not having little fling or crush or lust with anybody for months. It's kinda weird, i mean i kinda miss that rush on my blood or that silly blush. I just miss that feeling. My life's kinda flat these days, because of this silly thingy? i dunno. But yeah, it's flat. No jolt, no rush, no flush or blush. Nothing's wrong, it's just flat. Well, boring.

And before you think that i'm a pschyco girl who loves being surrounded by admirers, nah you're wrong. I'm not goodlooking enough to be that kind of girl.

(And dont ask about that Paul guy i've been stalking on. That guy doesnt even know me. Do i intend to hop in front of him and introduce myself? No way. He knows that I'm that strange Asian who always gazes on him. How can i be creepier? But i miss seeing him around in school, stalking him made my schooldays more interesting. However, chances i'm never gonna see him anymore. I'm leaving Thonon next week.)

Rubbish, but yeah whatevs

1. how old are you?
eighteen

2. are you single?
well, obviously yes.

3. at what age do you think you'll get married?
26-28

4. do you think you'll marry the person you are with now?
who?

5. if not, who do you want to marry?
Adam Lambert,but wait he's gay. Okay make it Gaspard Ulliel, or Kevin Aprilio (?)

6. who will be your bridesmaid & bestman?
My girlfriends since primary school

7. do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
Beach wedding

8. where do you plan to go on honeymoon?
Paris, Rome, and Thonon (?)

9. how many guests do you think you'll invite?
More than a thousand. I'll be famous, right? lol

10. will that include your exes?
Yes, and let them see what they have lost, letting me go (okay i sound like a psycho)

11. how many layers of cake do you want?
five would be enough

12. when do you want to get married, morning or evening?
Morning, then afternoon party!

13. name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
Endless love, Better Together, I love you til the end

14. do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon&fork?knife?
Fine dining, of course!

15. champagne or red wine?
no alcohol, gaboleh sama mama

16. honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
days after the wedding..

17. money or household items?
MONEY

18. how many kids would you like to have?
two or three

19. will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?
yes

20. whose wedding plan would you like to know next?
Disty Grahisa, entah mengapa

I know you're right, Kris xxxx

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way
What if your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
to fight and never walk away

'Cause here I am - still holding on!

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe

You’ll make it through the pain (or through all your aches and pains)
Weather the hurricane
To get to that one thing

When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
Break every rule 'cause there’s nothing between you
and your dreams

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe

Shia LaBeouf

nah, nothing's wrong with this bloke. he's hot yeah i know. but i was just wondering, where did he got his last name from? (from his dad, obviously) But La Beouf is a french word meaning the beef. Were his ancestors butchers? or They simply loved beef?

Okay i did some other test.. and they said..

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

You value your friendships: 75%
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

anyway, reading all these i started to think that i'm kinda a character from those chicklits ive read. the characteristics are just sooo chicklity.its me anyway xoxox

I did this personality test and it turned out to be so right.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

kangen!

Gue kangen istirahat kedua di RO. Gue kangen rapat-rapat aneh yang isinya ketawa terus. Gue kangen ngurusin anggaran, nelfonin alumni, sok sibuk kesana kemari. Gue kangen jas biru gue yang oke itu. Gue kangen marahin adek kelas. Gue kangen dipanggil 'kakak'. Gue kangen ngeliatin adek kelas panik. Gue kangen Dani. Gue kangen Tony. Gue kangen Dias. Gue kangen Handy. Gue kangen Fitri. Gue kangen Fika. Gue kangen Ghema juga. Gue kangen Indy. Gue kangen Ririe. Gue kangen Rino. Gue kangen Woro. Gue kangen Sona. Gue kangen Caandini. Gue kangen Ferdy. Gue kangen Ail. Gue kangen Bandung dan karaokean Inul Vista. Entah kenapa gue hari ini jadi kangen banget sama PO 43.

hello!

Momma's message that woke me up at 1am last night (I've been in France for like 11 months and my family still doesnt know -or realize or care- about the 5 hours time difference!): “Udah bayar BTA, toni jg ikut, placement test sabtu 18 juli, brg dia. Belajar yg banyak ya, Fisika Kimia Biologi Math biar sekelas dia Teh! Take care”

Dan gue ngga bisa tidur lagi, seperti biasa, bukan cuma karena gue emang gabisa tidur lagi kalo abis kebangun, tapi juga krn di otak gue tiba2 muncul banyak pikiran dan gue pengen bgt nelfon nyokap gue (which is ga mungkin, pulsa sekarat dan kartu telfon gue abis buat nelfon Disty) atau pengen ngoceh ngoceh sama siapa aja (ngga mungkin juga gue bangunin tmn gue, dan ngoceh pake bahasa lain agak susah dilakukan pada jam 1 pagi).

Yang ada di pikiran gue:
Emak gue ngapain bawa-bawa nama Tony? Tapi gue sih mau bgt sekelas sama Tony, since mungkin dia satu2nya org yang gue kenal.
“Belajar yg banyak ya” itu maksudnya apa??? First of all, otak gue udah TUMPUL. serius deh, gue ngerjain soal spmb (liat kunci jawaban tentunya) udah mau nangis (literally). Gue stress, ngga ngerti apa-apa, lupa semua. Setaun ini gue zonk ngga mikirin belajar sama sekali! Yang kedua, media belajar gue hanyalah buku soal SPMB ipa dan matematika. That's all. Gue butuh Pak Wicay, Pak Iman, dan Pak Mukti, dan Pak Hamid. Ketiga, gue lagi LIBURAN tolong ya, susah bgt buat buka buku ngerjain soal.
BTA ngapain sih pake placement test segala, iseng amat. Biar yang bego ngumpul sama yang bego, yang pinter makin pinter gitu? ADUH. Nasib gue gimana ini? Anw, ngaruh ngga sih tu test?
Tanggal 18 Juli adalah re-orientasi AFS gue di Wisma Handayani. Mana gue ikutan BTA?

Dan gue akhirnya gue ambil BTA 8 hari Sabtu. Tadinya mau BTA 45 tapi ngga jadi, soalnya mahal bgt dan total jamnya sama di BTA 8. Dan krn gue butuh les privat sama guru cina gue dari smp itu. Dan kata buku spmb gue, kalo cuma drilling soal-bahas ngga perlu bimbel. Oke gue tau itu ngga nyambung. However gue akan ambil BTA 8, les privat juga, CCF di salemba. Dan sepertinya gue harus mengubur keinginan gue untuk masuk Yamaha lanjutin piano gue. Gue jadi freelancer setaun deh, pas kuliah baru les lagi, mudah2an ngga terlalu telat. Hidup penuh pilihan ya kawan.

I know i should study now...

but instead of studying i choose to read MANY chicklits (when i say many, it really means a LOT). Ive read The Darren Shan saga (5-12), The Vampire Diaries (1-5), all Dan Brown's, Jinx, Jemima J, Mr.Maybe, Swapping Lives, and many else. Ive just finished Avalon High and The Boy Next Door and Size 12 is Not Fat. I should really stop this, i know. I read them all in English, and most of them are in British English. Good thing i could know some really-british-terms. Bad thing i speak less and less french i'm afraid i'm forgetting it now. But i cant stop, chicklits are addicting! (and pretty depressing if you're singe and seem to be having no luck in lovelife at the time being, like me) I wish i could be like Jemima Jones who lost 8 sizes, or Jean who has a gorgeous neighbor/boyfriend, or Melissa Fuller who has such an adorable and extremely rich fiance. Okay i know, i should stop. Stop it adelia!

And to complete this post, here is the top songs in my playlist

No Boundaries by Adam Lambert or Kris Allen. Both of them sing the song awesomely. And like all the winning songs, i love the lyrics.
Smilin' by Pascale Piccard. Youre definitely gonna love this one!
Sunday with a Flu by Yodelice. Good one, and laugh at the lyrics :p
Heartless by Kris Allen. He is a genius or what? Love his version! musta hear!
Wake Up by Sliimy. He's French Mika, and i'm just wondering whether he's gone worldwide or not. Really nice single, though.
Sempurna by Vierra. No need to ask, you all know i adore Kevin Aprilio's piano play.
Private Affairs by The Virgins
You are not Alone by Michael Sarver. not the Jacko version, but this one is really good.
You Found Me by Matt Giraud. Definitely much better that the original one.
Endless Love by Danny Gokey. jadi pengen kondangan.

Ps. I know most of it are American Idol thingies. Yeah, i'm still under that influence of American Idol. And yes i still adore Adam Lambert (and my highschool hotguy looks like him!), Kris Allen, and Danny Gokey. You cant blame me, those american idol versions sometimes are better than the original ones.

A Tribute to Jacko

Yeah i know it is late, he died last Thursday and it's Sunday today. But let me pay a tribute to world's biggest star: Michael Joe Jackson. Despite his weird behaviors and stuff, i admit that he was such a great person. I mean, he did influence two or three generations, right? Few years ago, when Justin Timberlake started his solo career, my dad saw his clip and said “Ah, another Jacko wannabe, he's just too influenced by Jacko”. It was just right, in fact is there any musician (or ordinary modern music enjoyers) who isnt influenced by the King of Pop?

What i like the most about Jacko's songs is not the touching lyrics (that's the second reason, however) but how we can sing well his songs (you know there are some songs that only the real singer can sing) however only the King himself can give the great “Jacko” effect, like his own style. Okay, maybe you cant understand my random words, anyway i just wanna say, Jacko you are wonderful. And in spite what we said about you about your controversy and else, we do love you, and it is a big loss losing you.

And here's my top 10 favourite Michael jackson's song:
You are not alone
Remember the time
Pretty Young Thing
Thriller
Heal the world
We are the world
Never can say goodbye
I want you back (Jackson 5)
Black or White
Human Nature

Rest in peace, dear King of Pop. You'll always be in our heart.

Mon Gateau tout chocolat ♥

Finally, i made a cake on my own, seriously! And it turned out to be good too! I havent tried it, but it smelled just sooo good. I'll eat it tonight. And here's the recipe ( i took it from a website and made some changes :p )

Gateau tout chocolat :)
for 6 persons

200 gr cooking chocolate
6 eggs
150 gr butter
100 gr flour
150 gr sugar

1. Switch on the oven to heat it (on scale 1-10, put on 6. or 200 celcius)
2. Melt the chocolate (if possible au bain marie: put it on a bowl and put the bowl in boiling water. But normal way would do good also)
3. Add butter and mix well.
4. In a big bowl or whatever, mix the eggs, sugar, and after the flour. Add the chocolate fondu, and stir well to make a homogene paste.
5. Put the paste on a mold (apply some butter and flour before, so the cake wont be sticky)
6. Bake it for 25-30 minutes.

Enjoy :) I havent taken a pic of my cake, I'll post it after. But for now, i have a barbecue party to attend!

MERDE

Ive messed up with my blog templates, lost all the settings and gadgets, and now my blog looks so revoltingly naff. bloody pink template i use. HELP! is there anybody can help me doing this thingy? I seriously suck on things like this.

ME BEING POSITIVE.

I've never thought that i could be THIS huge...
Oops, not a proper sentence to start a postive post. Okay let me start over again.

I've never thought that i could go to France before my twenties, let alone LIVING in France, but now, I'm here, aren't I? I've made it.
I've never thought i could survive stranded in the middle of nowhere, where I hadnt known anybody, where people speak alien language, but well, I'm here and i speak their language, right?
I've never thought i could be friend with good people here, let alone having bestfriends, but now, I'm surrounded with such nice and sweet people, and I do have bestfriends, like the ones i have back home.
I've never thought i'd be strong enough to step away from my previous relationship, that i couldnt bear any thought being alone, that i'm such a vulnerable person. But well, here I am, stronger than before, laughing at the silly girl i became, and thanking God for all of this. I've made it through, i even can laugh over things!
I've always thought that I'm alone, that I couldnt be extrovert enough to tell anybody my stories or problems, but then I was wrong, right? I do have many people to talk to, to trust, and who'd love to help me. And here I am, much more open to other people. I've made it.
I've never thought that i could speak English, let alone speaking French. I was that girl who had brilliant written grammar score but sucked at oral. But well, now I'm not that pathetic anymore, i can stand talking and blabbering in English, and I know that I'm getting better in French. I guess I've made it.
I've never had a good dose of self esteem and confidence, trust me. I had been so insecure and never felt good enough, almost of the time. But now, i feel a slight-no, make it big- change inside of me, i know i'm good enough for almost all things, as long as i can put trust in God and myself. I've made it.
I've never thought i could write so much, but here I am, trying to count how many post, crap notes, and other things i've put on my blogs. And how wonderful it is, there some people telling me some of my writings are good and thoughtful (well, sometimes, i mean the good serious normal ones, not my crappy shitty whiny thingy).

I've passed those selections back home, I've passed my worst and most vulnerable moments, I've passed my lonely times, I've passed the crap times here, I've passed those wonderful moments here, I've passed those crying and shitty moments, I've passed the language barrier, I've passed many things, the bests and the worsts. And I'm still standing still. I've made it.

Maybe afterall, I'm no longer that Adelia i used to be. Maybe I've changed, i dont know. But after all what I've been through, my 4th year in highschool couldnt be any worse or any harder, could it? I've made this big year through. It wasnt easy, i told you, especially for the naff and witty and spoiled brat like me. But thank God, I've made it through. Now, maybe afterall, going back home and starting (or continuing) my life, wont be a hard pain, n'est-ce pas?

I'll make through my senior year successfully, graduate with great scores, get a super university (maybe scholarship too? i hope!), mingle and love 2010, lost these bloody kilos, get some jobs, and else. Wish me luck! I'm trying to be positive!

Gros bisous,
Adelia,
votre fille preferèe.

lets take some words

If you don't know where you are going,
you'll end up some place else.
Yogi Bear
(and i still dont know where am i going next :( )

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
- Buddha

"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."
-The Dalai Lama

"Man, if you gotta ask, you'll never know."
-Louis Armstrong


"More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
- Carl Sagan

i was just wondering......

is it really wrong that i'm not like others?
is it really wrong...

that i dont have the perfect body image like most of my friends do?
that i think a pet owner who seriously loves his/her pet is kinda idiot?
that i believe in love at first sight?
that i still believe Paris is a city of love?
that i read lots of chick lits and crap novels?
that i've played piano since forever and still cant play any chopin?
that i think that you cant build a relationship and even more marriage just from the L word?
that i still think maybe i'll end up with my first kiddie love someday?
that i take almost an hour before leaving home to choose my outfits?
that i dont care about the side effects of technology, like the cancer from laptop's radiation?
that i dont give a shit about eating healthy and bio, and how some food will bring you cancer?
that i still want to live an american highschool year, eventhough it's just impossible?
that i think the hardest part of my exchange year was to get rid of my feeling about that guy?
that i ridiculously really really wanna be San Chai and find a Dao Mind Shi?
that i am honestly still not sure which major to take next year?
that i can feel blank, not feeling happy nor sad for like many times?
that i can eat much then feel guilty but cant find a way to vomit?
that now i think i cant differ whether a food is delicious or not, as long as it's salty i eat them?
that i secretly have a low self esteem?
that i can really have a bad mood all day just because someone telling me little things that i dont like?
that i seriously hate seniors telling you what to do?
that i still cant speak french clearly to my hostfam?
that i hate thinking about grammars while talking?
that after all these months in france i still often talk in english?
that i still dont like being in another family's home which doesnt feel like my own home where i can wake up at 2 am and go to toilet without having fear of waking others up or making the dog bark?
that i hate intense sunshine, and i hate when people tell me that i must like the sun strike?
that i dont even bother to try any ski activity even though maybe i'll never get another chance?
that i think i've improved my english here and i feel like i'm having an exchange year in english speaking country instead of french?
that i still cant be close to my hostfam?
that i hate afs weekends because i feel so left out when everybody seems to be goodfriends?
that i have to search for a good topic to talk about with my hostfam?
that i often think that people dont appreciate me?

is it really wrong that i'm tired of following advices and not being me?

these few last days..

.. were pretty sad and amazing on the same time

After Jacky Day (where we can wear anything to school, and obviously we made such a mess at school) school was unofficialy ended, we didnt have many lessons left, and most student didnt come to school. I did, tho. I had classes, it was just like the other days. On wednesday me and my classmates did a kind of picnic with cookies and LOTS of cherries, then Thursday we went to the cinema watching a spanish movie from the Cannes Festival with Penelope Cruz in it. Weird movie, it was long and seemed to be never ending, and it had many naked and sex scenes too. bah. Then Friday we went to the park, and did another picnic. It was really nice, even though i got seriously tanned.
So friday was the last day at school. i thought i wouldnt cry- i didnt think i could even feel sad. but then i was wrong. i did cry. i hugged my friends, my classmates. i was really close to tears only last italian class when my teacher looked at me in the eyes and told me that it has been a great year with me, and that she thinks that i'm such a nice student. gosh no teacher ever told me that way. and later on me and my friends sat on the bench until 5pm, just doing nothing and cherishing the moment. then i went to the school ball, met some other friends, danced and talked. although there wasnt may people (only like 200 peep) it was pretty nice (and my hot guy wasnt there. anw, i KNOW his NAME. great. it's Paul). the bands are pretty lame, but the dj made it okay. then i went home at midnight and before that i hugged my friends that i thought i couldnt meet again, like Sonia and Nils and else. fuh i hate saying goodbye.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 10)

Liburan berakhir, dan saya harus melanjutkan kehidupan saya. Dua bulan terakhir saya di Thonon. Awalnya memulai kembali kehidupan normal terasa berat, bukan karena saya 'kehilangan' orang tua saya, namun karena alasan yang cukup konyol: patah hati. Tertawa saja, saya tak akan marah. Tapi tenang, kali ini saya bukan lagi remaja cengeng yang dulu. Saya sudah bisa menerima kenyataan dengan lebih mudah. Tahapan patah hati saya hanya berlangsung dua atau tiga minggu, padahal tadinya saya kira bisa sampai berbulan-bulan. Ternyata banyak yang peduli pada saya. Saya tidak sendiri. Saya punya teman-teman yang selalu menghibur saya dan melupakan masalah konyol ini. Teman saya bilang, saya sebenarnya bukan butuh support, melainkan dosis tawa yang tepat. Ya, tertawa dan lebih berpikiran positif. Dan akhirnya saya bisa merasa jauh lebih baik daripada bulan-bulan yang lalu, saya bisa tertawa dan menertawakan beberapa hal yang telah lalu, dan saya kembali mendapat satu pelajaran yang penting: hidup saya ternyata indah.

Ya, hidup itu indah. Kemana saja saya dulu? Mungkin dulu saya terlalu terfokus pada satu hal, sehingga melupakan hal-hal indah di sekitar saya. Mungkin dulu saya terlalu terikat pada pacar saya sehingga menyampingkan orang-orang baik disekitar saya yang tak akan pergi meninggalkan saya. Mungkin dulu saya hampir tak pernah berpikiran positif. Mungkin dulu saya terlalu menutup diri. Entahlah, yang dulu sudah tidak penting lagi. Yang penting sekarang adalah menikmati hidup saya yang menakjubkan ini.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 9)

Tapi untuk sementara waktu saya punya keluarga lainnya, yaitu teman-teman dan guru di sekolah. Ya, guru! Saya punya dua guru favorit yang kebetulan juga menjadikan saya murid favoritnya. Tidak, saya tidak KKN atau apapun, hanya saja saya begitu menyukai pelajaran mereka sehingga saya merasa harus sedikit berusaha untuk membalas jasa mereka dalam membantu saya. Simbiosis mutualisme. Saya cinta kelas Bahasa Inggris dan Bahasa Italia! Mme.Pangallo, guru Bahasa Inggris saya, begitu perhatian dengan saya. Suatu saat saya pernah sakit dan beliau menanyakan apakah saya baik-baik saja ataukah saya ada masalah. Saya dapat bercerita pada beliau mengenai hal-hal yang mengganggu pikiran saya, tentang teman-teman, tentang kerinduan saya pada rumah. Mme.Collinet, guru Bahasa Italia saya, adalah guru favorit saya sampai saat ini. Beliau begitu ceria, kelasnya selalu semarak, dan caranya mengajar sangat mudah dimengerti. Beliau juga sangat baik hati, pada awal kedatangan saya di kelas bahasa Italia (saya terlambat 2 bulan) ia memberikan saya tambahan agar saya bisa mengejar ketertinggalan. Beliau juga tidak segan-segan menerjemahkan kata-kata yang tidak saya mengerti dalam Bahasa Inggris, karena kemampuan Bahasa Perancis saya masih sangat terbatas. Dengan dua guru yang menyukai saya dan begitu baik, ditambah pula saya memang menggemari pelajaran literatur, bukan hal yang spesial jika saya sering mendapat nilai tinggi.


Liburan musim semi saya menjadi sangat berarti, saya menggunakan kesempatan sortie program saya untuk ke Paris dan bertemu orang tua saya. Sejalan dengan apa yang dikatakan pihak AFS, saya takut tidak bisa 'kembali' lagi nantinya ke kehidupan disini setelah menghabiskan waktu bersama keluarga asli, namun saya juga tidak bisa menolak ajakan orang tua saya untuk keliling eropa. Akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk mengiyakan rencana mereka, dan menghabiskan liburan dua minggu saya di luar Thonon. Beberapa hari pertama saya di Paris, saya tinggal bersama keluarga tante saya. Saya pergi menjelajahi Paris bersama teman yang kebetulan ada disana, Suta namanya. Saya juga pergi bermain di Disneyland Paris! Saat orangtua saya datang, perjalanan besar kami dimulai. Kami mengunjungi beberapa kota di Belanda, lalu ke Belgia, Luxemburg, Venise, Nice, dan Monaco. Perjalanan berakhir di Geneve dan Thonon, dimana orangtua saya bertandang ke rumah keluarga angkat saya. Pertemuan dua keluarga yang berlangsung dengan hangat, tidak seperti yang saya takutkan. Satu hal yang saya sadari, ternyata kemampuan bahasa itu sangat berguna ya? Saya beruntung bisa bahasa Perancis dan Inggris, bahkan saat di Italia pun saya bisa menanyakan jalan dengan bahasa lokal. Saya sangat senang ternyata pelajaran di sekolah bisa berguna juga! Sayangnya saya tidak bisa bahasa Jerman sama sekali, padahal saya belajar bahasa Jerman sudah tiga tahun. Diakhir perjalanan, saya baru ngeh betapa saya merindukan orangtua saya dengan semua kebiasaannya. Saya menyadari kalau saya butuh mereka, dan saya sangat sayang mereka. Saya harus jadi anak yang lebih baik nantinya saat kembali ke Jakarta! Oh iya, di liburan musim semi ini, akhirnya saya putus dengan pacar saya lho.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 8)

Matahari semakin lama bersinar, tidak terasa musim semi sudah datang. Saya yang membenci salju sangat menyambut datangnya saat matahari bersinar kembali dan orang-orang bisa memakai baju apapun yang dimau. Datangnya musim semi mengartikan bahwa saya telah melewati musim panas, gugur dan dingin. Datangnya musim semi mengartikan musim panas 2009 akan segera datang. Datangnya musim semi mengartikan bahwa waktu saya sudah hampir habis. Tapi waktu saya belum benar-benar habis, masih ada tiga bulan lagi untuk menyelesaikan apa yang saya sudah mulai disini, dengan diri saya sendiri, kawan-kawan, test bahasa Perancis saya, dengan pelajaran SMA yang sudah harus kembali diingat, dan dengan keluarga angkat saya.

Ah, bicara tentang keluarga angkat, saya akui hingga saat ini saya belum benar-benar dekat layaknya keluarga. Entah mengapa saya masih merasakan adanya sebuah batasan antara kami, namun hal itu bukanlah suatu yang menjadi masalah besar. Ibu angkat saya terus mempertanyakan mengapa saya jarang bicara di rumah. Saya bingung, saya harus bicara pada siapa atau mengenai apa. Keluarga kami hanya lengkap saat akhir pekan, dan bilapun ada Caroline, kakak angkat saya, dan Genevieve, sang ibu, saya pun jarang bicara. Saya bingung harus membicarakan apa. Kalau saya bicara tentang American Idol atau Gossip Girl yang selalu saya ikuti setiap episodenya, mereka tak akan mengerti. Atau jika saya bicara tentang Formula Satu serta pembalap favorit saya, Lewis Hamilton, mereka pasti bingung. Mereka bicara tentang ski dan hal-hal yang tidak begitu saya pahami. Dengan Renaud, ayah angkat saya, saya relatif lebih mudah bicara jika kami sedang makan berdua. Entah mengapa bicara dengannya terasa lebih mudah dan santai. Jujur hingga saat ini, ada sesuatu yang membuat saya jauh dengan ibu angkat saya, namun saya sendiri tidak mengerti mengapa saya merasa kurang nyaman berada bersamanya. Kadang-kadang saya merasa ia tidak menyukai saya atau kadang-kadang ia menganggap saya bodoh sehingga harus menjelaskan hal-hal kecil berulang-ulang kali, atau apakah memang itu hanya sentimen pribadi saya? Tapi seperti koin yang punya dua sisi, ketidakbegitudekatan ini membuat saya menyadari bahwa keluarga itu begitu penting buat saya. Saya selama ini hanya mengeluh tentang keluarga saya yang banyak masalah, yang nampaknya tidak sesempurna seperti teman-teman saya yang lain, namun nyatanya keluarga terbaik yang pernah diciptakan buat saya adalah keluarga biologis saya sendiri. Seperti pepatah yang terkenal, “you'll never know what you've got 'til it's gone”, saya baru menyadari bahwa saya butuh Mama, Papa, Pabas, Nenek, Kakek dan seluruh keluarga saya.

dear my fellow exchange friends,..

Put a smile and be proud,
it was not easy but we've made it through.
Don't be sad because we know we'll be back one day.
Time passed by so fast,
but we all know that we've had heaps of great and wonderful times.

Believe me,
our adventure is not finished yet,
it has just started.


Gros Bisous
ps: See you in Jakarta!

j'en ai marre.

okay i'm just fed up with everybody saying "hey adelia, you look so fat" and things like that. HEY i know my body better than you all, so dont worry, i do know that i'm as fat as winnie the pooh. do you think that i dont care? youre so wrong. i'm trying my best to lose these friggin kilos, but it's not easy! can people just shut their mouth up? i mean its okay when one or to people say that, but not everybody! i'm sick of it.

and i wonder, nobody ever complained about how fat their already-big friends. maybe if i weighed 80 kilos from the start, nobody would ever mentioned these nagging things to me. ive never been skinny though. i wish i could be anorexic or bulimic.

better, i wish i could stay here forever where my friends never asked me how many kilos ive gained and accept me the way i am no matter how huge i look or how many shits i blabber all day.

"Oh Merde."

Gaspard Ulliel
Adam Lambert
Danny Gokey
Ed Westwick
ah non, ça va pas.
Les Indonésiens
Les Français
Les Américains
ah mais non, ça marche pas.
Avec le grand sourire,
avec les lunettes carrées,
avec les cheveux noirs,
avec la guitare,
avec le foot.
C'est toi qui j'aimerais,
depuis toujours, pour toujours.
Si bizarre, si bien, si embêtant,
si presque impossible,
n'est-ce pas?

Oh merde,
ce n'est rien,
je me suis trompée.

bonjour!

Salut, comment ca va?
Je vais bien, merci. Et toi?
Je suis fache et j'ai peur.
Tu es malade? T'as perdu quelque chose? Tu es fache avec qui? T'as peur de qui?
Ta gueule. Je suis fache parce que je t'aime.J'ai peur de t'aimer.

dont ask, i dont even know what i'm writing now

che casino!

i was going to post something on my blog when i realized that my folder containing all my writings are gone. DISPARU. ILANG. man! i have the 10 pages of my french year memoir and a story that i've been working on since 2008 (i had it like 50 pages) and theyre GONE now. and no, i dont have any backups. ARGH.

anw, i had Jacky Day today, it was a lot of fun! and i saw that hot guy, he wore an old lady dress and still put a hat and another Louis Vitton bag (i wonder how many LV bags he has, since he use them almost everyday to school) and then i saw him wearing a normal glasses, with rectangle lenses, that guy couldnt be any hotter trust me.

lots to tell, but i cant write right now, i'm too pissed off. seriously. I wrote my stories with all those details about UK and EU and else, and theyre gone. merde

see ya
xoxoxo
i hope i could find where my data has gone :(

4 juin 2009

remember the hot guy i've mentioned yesterday? today he was sitting infront of my table at canteen. oh my gosh i couldnt think, i was panicking he was just soooo gorgeous. seriously. eventhough he has a big tendency to be a gay. and i guess his gf (i hope she's not his gf! lol) knows that there'a a strange and weird indonesian girl who is crazy about this boy. yeah whatever.yeah, thats him on the pic. i know im such a pathetic stalker haha

anyway, i saw a pretty dress, peach with ruffles. so sweet. i hope my mum will let me use it to the prom bcos its kinda 'open' i mean it's a sleeveless dress. but soooo pretty. and i saw a nice pump heels too. i havent bought any. i'm still thinking. anyway i have silver heels at home, i dunno if it'll match the peach dress. if they match, maybe i'll buy that dress.

And i did my DELF test too. easy. i thought it'll be full of grammars bah. i'll take the level B1 and B2 when i come home.

thats all xoxoxoxo

a rubbish post about a hot guy

you know, sometimes there are some person that can make you smile just by seeing their faces. No, i'm not talking about when you're falling in love and have butterflies flying inside your stomach, i'm talking about goodlooking people. In my high school back home, there are some boys that i can put into this type, you know the oh-so-goodlooking-type. They were my seniors, named L (who made all the girls in choir stop singing on graduation day when he walked in front of us, seriously) and another is M and R. (PS If you're in my highschool, and you're a girl, you'll know who they are xoxo).

Nah, these few days, some of my friends ask me if all french boys are hot like Gaspard Ulliel. Well, no. But suddenly i realized that hey- eventhough not all of those boys are goodlooking, there are actually some boys who are seriously hot. like the one i draw (couldnt get his pic). I dont know what his name is nor his class (absolutely not in my class). He looks like Adam Lambert, just not as 'extreme' as Adam. He's so smoking fuming steaming hot. Okay, at first he had that gay impression, but he's not gay (my friend told me he has a gf for 3 years, umm i hope they already broke up HAHAHA just kidding, i just hope she was wrong lol :p). He always wears a beanie hat, and he has his own style that never changes each day. Jeans, T-shirt (once he put on a vest), Aviator sunglasses, Jeans, Black Converse, and LV Sling Bag (you know, the postman type)- and oh yeah Louis Vitton. Gosh he's hoooooooot. I didnt know if French people could be this goodlooking.

And i know, he doesnt even know that i'm exist. Or maybe he does, considering that i'm like a stalker, stalking him around haha. I know, i dont have any chance to be his date (or maybe there is? crossing fingers! haha) I guess i'm not falling in love to, it's just admiration because how many times i have to tell you that he's the hottest boy on earth? I was standing 1m away from this guy yesterday on the canteen queue, and was eyeing him from 11 am until 1pm *i'm sick!* And hope he didnt realize that there's a strange wicked girl stalking him around haha.

And before going home, i WILL jump infront of him, ask his name and tell mine, and walk away. I wish. haha maybe i'll just ask someone what his name is so that i wont be curious for the rest of my life.

I know this post is rubbish, i was supposed to write something about my fear of going home, but i ended up talking about hot guys.Oh no, i was supposed to study for my DELF test TOMORROW. merde. okay j'arrete. wish me luck for tomorrow, hope the jury will understand what i say and i wont be having problems with those feminin-masculin thingy and those grammars. amen.

xoxoxo
bisous

ps. J'ai faim, mais il n'ya rien chez moi. Etjavascript:void(0) je suis en train de perdre quelque kilos avant partir. Mais je meutre de faim.

Love you 'til the end :)

I just want to see you
When youre all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When were caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end

Anyway, i'm not in love right now, it's just that i watched PS I Love You few days ago, and I just love this song. Maybe it'll be my favorite song ever, and take the place of my all-time favorite (Autumn's Monologue). And why i put that Paris Je T'aime banner, i dont know. I love Paris, and I really wanna go back there before going home.

so i have these two blogs..

why did i make two blogs? it's just bcos i found out that Blogspot is more 'open' and people who dont have a blog still can leave a comment. But i cant just leave my Multiply one since i have many contacts and they seem to be a kind of family for me. So i decided to have two blogs. And now i realize that it's kinda difficult to maintain both of them. I love the layouts and features of Blogspot but I still prefer my Multiply, since there are always some people who give comments at anything i wrote. So finally i decided to split these two blogs, i will write my random thoughts and else in two languages (or maybe i should start to use french or italian as well? lol). I'll post my indonesian notes in Multiply, and also some post that i need to hear some comments or suggestion about it. And for this site, i'll write something random in english, or maybe french if possible (lol) well except for those memoirs thingy that i've been posting (will still be going on, i still have like 5 parts of it hehe) it'll be in indonesian.

So feel free to open the link on the down left tab, the one titled “Salve! Mi Chiamo Adelia!” that's my other blog :)

xoxoxo

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part7)

Hari hari saya selanjutnya berjalan begitu saja. Saya mulai merasa nyaman dengan kehidupan yang saya jalani disini. Saya pindah jurusan di sekolah, dan bisa berkenalan dengan lebih banyak orang. Saya punya dua sahabat, Landon, yang berasal dari Amerika, dan Eliott dari Meksiko. Emosi saya masih seperti roller-coaster, naik turun. Saat mood saya sedang baik saya sangat senang. Saat liburan tiba dan saya pergi ke Paris dan bertemu keluarga saya serta menara Eiffel, saya sangat terhibur. Namun saat kembali ke Thonon, saya mulai sedih dan bosan kembali kecuali jika saya sedang melakukan sesuatu yang asyik bersama dua sahabat saya itu. Saya kembali melankolis jika teringat hubungan saya dengan pacar saya yang makin blur. Saya mudah marah-marah tidak jelas kalau keluarga saya bertanya macam-macam dan terlalu khawatir serta menasihati saya layaknya anak balita. Tidak ada patokan jelas mengapa saya bisa tersenyum seharian atau merengut seharian. Saya memang aneh. Namun saya memang sering seperti ini saat dulu di Jakarta. Paling tidak saya tahu, saya sudah merasa seperti berada di rumah sendiri. Hal yang cukup baik, bukan?

Febuari, bulan keenam saya, datang, dan entah mengapa saya merasa hidup saya mulai berbeda, menjadi lebih menyenangkan. Saya mulai dekat dengan teman-teman sekelas saya, bahkan partner saya di kelas eksperimen IPA, Rachel namanya, dengan senang hati “membawa” saya ke dalam lingkup pertemanannya. Menemukan teman-teman dekat baru cukup menghibur saya dari kehilangan Landon, sahabat terdekat saya saat itu, yang harus kembali ke negaranya. Saya dan Eliott lalu kedatangan seorang murid asing lainnya, Chantelle, dari Selandia Baru. Hari paling spesial di bulan Febuari pun datang. Tanggal sebelas, yang merupakan ulang tahun saya yang ke-delapan belas. Mengetahui saya tidak punya rencana apapun untuk merayakan hari jadi tersebut, teman-teman saya berinisiatif membuatkan sebuah pesta kecil-kecilan di Pegunungan Alpen. Wow! Perayaan tersebut membuat saya semakin dekat dengan mereka, dan untuk pertama kalinya saya merasa 'diinginkan' sebagai teman oleh penduduk asli, bukan hanya sebagai objek yang menarik karena berasal dari negara lain ataupun perasaan kasihan. Saya merasa diterima, perasaan yang sudah sekian lama saya rindukan.

Bulan Febuari saya berlanjut dengan liburan musim dingin di Grenoble. Saya tidak pergi dengan keluarga angkat saya, mereka semua sibuk bermain ski, sementara saya tidak tertarik sama sekali dengan olahraga salju tersebut. Saya berangkat ke Grenoble sendiri, mengunjungi Segolene, teman sekaligus koresponden saya di AFS yang tahun lalu tinggal di Makassar. Liburan lima hari saya sangat menyenangkan! Kota besar, pusat perbelanjaan, pemandangan indah, makanan enak, hidup bebas layaknya mahasiswa, dan bicara bahasa sendiri! Setelah liburan berakhir, saya harus kembali ke sekolah, namun kali ini saya sudah berubah, saya memutuskan untuk merasa bahagia dengan kehidupan saya. Febuari adalah awal dari perjalanan saya yang “baru”.

Sebuah pelajaran penting yang merubah pola pikir saya dalam memandang hidup sebenarnya hanyalah hal kecil yang semua orang sudah tahu, yaitu bersyukur. Selama ini saya hanya memandang hidup dari sisi negatif sehingga saya selalu dapat menemukan kekurangan dari semua hal. Padahal saya seharusnya sangat amat bersyukur dengan keadaan saya sekarang, karena saya begitu beruntung. Saya punya keluarga angkat tetap yang baik, walaupun kami tidak begitu dekat, namun tidak ada yang salah dengan mereka. Teman saya yang lain ada yang harus sampai 5 kali ganti keluarga, dan ada pula yang ibu angkatnya sangat menyebalkan layaknya ibu-ibu jahat yang diperankan Leily Sagita dalam sinetron tengah hari. Saya tinggal di Eropa dan bisa belajar bahasa asing selain bahasa Ingris, lagipula saya tidak kehilangan kesempatan belajar bahasa Inggris disini, teman-teman dekat saya, Chantelle dan Landon, mereka semua bicara bahasa Inggris. Teman-teman saya yang lain, mereka semua begitu baik pada saya, satu hal lagi yang harus saya syukuri. Tuhan sangat sayang saya, kenapa saya lupa hal itu?

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 6)

Ada yang pernah bilang pada saya bahwa manusia memang sudah dari sananya tidak pernah puas. Begitu juga saya, walaupun saya belakangan sadar kalau kadar 'ketidakpuasan' saya memang terlalu tinggi. Banyak sekali hal yang saya keluhkan, bahkan saya menempel daftar keluhan saya di dinding kamar saya. Saya punya terlalu banyak waktu luang, dan saya sangat amat bosan. Kota saya terlalu kecil, tidak seperti Jakarta, dan saya tidak bisa menemukan sesuatu yang menarik disini. Saya tidak nyaman dengan teman-teman saya, dan saya tidak mau orang lain menganggap saya bagian dari kelompok mereka, karena saya tahu orang lain banyak menganggap mereka kelompok “aneh” yang selalu berpakaian hitam. Saya tidak suka jurusan saya, saya ingin pindah ke jurusan yang lebih “berarti” buat saya, jurusan IPA. Saya tidak bisa bicara banyak dengan keluarga angkat saya, karena seperti yang saya bilang, kami berbeda. Berat badan saya naik drastis, namun saya tidak bisa berhenti makan. Emosi saya semakin labil. Hubungan saya dengan pacar saya semakin tidak jelas. Saya kesepian. Saya iri pada teman-teman saya yang ada di Amerika dan Jakarta yang nampaknya bahagia selalu.

Semua keluhan saya tersebut kembali membawa saya kepada keresahan, ketakutan, dan kebingungan saya dahulu. Apa yang sebenarnya saya lakukan disini? Mengapa yang saya alami sekarang tidak seindah apa yang teman-teman saya ceritakan dulu? Mengapa teman-teman saya yang lain bisa terlihat begitu bahagia di foto-foto facebooknya? Mengapa saya ada di Perancis? Mengapa saya tidak bisa ke Amerika dan menikmati masa-masa SMA seperti yang saya lihat di film-film? Dan masih banyak keluhan serta keirian yang timbul di benak saya.

Akhirnya saya sadar, saya kesepian, dan saya ingin kembali populer. Saya bukannya ingin jadi bintang sekolah atau gadis populer seperti di sinetron remaja, saya hanya ingin kembali mempunyai kehidupan sosial seperti saat saya di Jakarta dulu. Saya ingin dikelilingi orang-orang yang bukan termasuk golongan “aneh”, bukan karena malu bersama mereka, namun karena kami 'berbeda'. Saya ingin punya teman-teman yang menyenangkan dan bisa diajak bersenang-senang. Saya ingin dikenal dan disapa orang. Saya butuh teman. Teman saya di Norwegia, Ajay namanya, menyarankan untuk tampil lebih modis dan memberanikan diri untuk mendekati orang-orang yang ingin saya jadikan teman. Ya, saya harus kembali menelan perasaan rendah diri saya dan mulai berusaha. Saat itu saya mulai sadar, keberadaan saya disini tidak akan menghasilkan apa-apa kalau saya tidak mau berusaha untuk hidup bahagia, dan saya harus mulai dari diri saya sendiri.

Saya tidak lagi mengharapkan orang lain tersenyum dan menyapa saya di koridor, melainkan saya yang menyapa orang lain terlebih dahulu. Saya memberanikan diri untuk bergabung dengan teman-teman baru. Saya berusaha untuk berpenampilan lebih menarik. Saya berusaha untuk lebih belajar bahasa Perancis. Singkat cerita, akhirnya saya menemukan teman-teman yang saya inginkan, yang bisa saya ajak tertawa bersama, mengobrol bersama, dan banyak hal lainnya. Namun yang paling penting adalah, dalam proses pencarian orang lain itu, saya menemukan diri saya sendiri, Adelia yang sudah lama hilang tenggelam dalam ketakutannya yang absurd. Ya, Adelia yang dulu kini muncul lagi! Adelia yang selalu tersenyum pada semua orang, yang ceria, yang memakai pakaian warna-warni dan bernyanyi sendiri. Dan satu hal lagi, saya tahu bahwa saya bisa melakukan banyak hal kalau saya mau percaya pada diri saya sendiri.

Tahapan pertama saya berakhir dengan cukup menyenangkan. Saya lalu kembali menjalani hidup seperti biasa. Saya mulai menikmati hidup, namun tetap tidak berhenti mengeluh. Entah apa yang ada di pikiran saya, namun saat itu saya terlalu iri pada semua teman-teman saya. Saya masih belum berhenti menjadi turis.

susahnya cari uang, dan iya saya lagi cari kerjaan.

akhir taun ajaran emang membutuhkan duit banyak, dan in case lo adalah exchange student seperti gue, kebutuhan itu akan jadi dobel. jadi ya, disini gue butuh beli tiket buat school ball gue, dress sih udah ada dari jakarta, tapi gue gapunya sepatu. gue tadinya mau beli high heels yang bagus, dan bisa dipake sehari2 juga di jakarta. tapi ternyata kebutuhan yg harus gue beli masih banyak. lalu liburan gue itu selama sebulan, dan hostmum gue kayaknya pgn bgt gue keluar rumah dan melihat2 kota (dia kesel tiap kali gue memilih menghabiskan weekend dg komputer gue), dan temen2 gue punya acara banyak, which means gue juga butuh duit banyak buat jalan, makan, dan transport (fyi, tmn2 gue tinggalnya di gunung, bukan di thonon fuh). belom lagi Oleh oleh. aduh kesel deh gue semua org minta oleh-oleh, padahal nganterin gue aja kagak. lagian emangnya gue disini buat belaja2 dan duit gue berkelimpahan? paling gue cuma bawain coklat buat 4 bffs gue. parah duit gue abis. serius.

Belom lagi urusan sekolah di jakarta. Jaket Angkatan. Buku Tahunan. Promnight (gile mahal bener tiketnya). Prom dress (kan ga mungkin gue pake seragam ke Le Meridien). Dan gue ngga enak minta duit sama nyokap gue (dan gue gatau bakal dikasih apa ngga). Nyokap gue kan harus nyiapin buat bimbel gue (bimbel jutaan men sekarang fuh), belom lagi gue mau lanjutin ccf (ini lagi mahal abis) dan gue dgn gatau dirinya masih ngotot mau les piano lagi (ga di ypm lg, abusif soalnya haha which leaves Yamaha Pasific Place as the only good and reasonable choice and also which means another big expense). Belom lagi kan taun ajaran baru gue harus beli seragam baru (yang lama kayaknya udah ga muat deh haha) dan buku pelajaran yang baru, which are mahal bangets! Dan anaknya nyokap bokap gue kan bukan gue doang. Adek gue masih SMA juga. Mana sekolahnya mahal lagi (ini keluhan, bukan pamer). Aduh gue ngga tega sama nyokap bokap gue.

Dan oke, gue harus nyisain duit dari jatah bulanan gue disini utk membayar BT dan Prom. Semoga bisa. Amin. Harus bisa!

Tapi ya, gue jadi mikir, nanti gue di jakarta gimana hidupnya? Oke gue punya jatah bulanan buat ongkos dan makan. Tapi buat kehidupan sosial gue? Gue bukan klan Trihatmodjo yang emasnya berlimpah. Gue dulu pas kelas 1 dan 2 di jakarta sempet jadi guru piano buat sepupu gue, so i had some kinda income buat dipake macem2 (baca: jalan dan pacaran). Pas disini, sucks bgt rasanya gue cuma bisa make duit nyokap bokap gue tanpa bisa ngasilin duit sendiri, terutama akhir2 ini saat kebutuhan makin byk. Dan pas pulang, gue ngga tau apakah gue masih bs ngajar apa ngga, disini gue jarang nyentuh piano, dan gue adalah tipe org yg males ngerjain sesuatu kalo ga ada kewajiban (I mean kaya gue gabakal bljkr kl ga ikut bimbel, atau gue ga akan latian piano kl gue ga les). Tapi iya, gue masih bisa main kok, asalkan jangan dikasih Chopin mendadak aja. Aduh gue ngga tau. Gue pengen banget ngajarin french buat beginners (yah kalo ngajarin yg udah jago mah gue jd takut sendiri), atau jadi guru privat english buat bocah sd-smp (sma jg boleh asal ganteng haha ngaco), atau yah gue mau ngajarin bocah2 sd main piano. I need to make my own income, like seriously. Ada yang mau ngasih gue kerjaan atau ada yang butuh atau kenal org yang butuh guru French/English/Piano? Gue juga bisa ngajarin bahasa itali kok dikit2, nilai gue bagus2 kok di sekolah hehe. atau ada yang punya bisnis dan gue bisa bantu join?

kalo ada, beneran deh, gue serius ini nyari kerjaan. hubungi gue yah. I shall be free from end of July.

thanks yay :)

i should've posted this one yesterday

i went to school this morning wearing my favourite skirt, blue top, and my prettiest shoes. it was cloudy all day, and a lil bit windy. great. i was almost dying of the heat these past days. and after school it was raining. i got off the bus and walked home, the rain was kinda hard. i was all wet. my shoes are wet too. but i love rain. suddenly i wanted to cry. no, i wasnt sad. it's just crying in the rain seems soo dramatic like in movies. okay i know it's weird. i'm weird and i love dramatic things. i even throwed the K part of my necklace to the lake just to make it dramatic if i ever tell it to people, well i did that because i want to get rid of that part also. i wish i could throw that thing into the Seine river, it'd sound better and more dramatic. haha. anyway i still have the A part of the necklace eventhough i'm not wearing it at the moment. However, i dont post this one to tell you about my strange attitude but i want to share some of my random shots.

ciao!

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 5)

Hari-hari pertama saya disekolah terasa menyenangkan. Bagaimana tidak, saya bagaikan bintang. Semua orang ingin berkenalan dengan saya, si anak pertukaran pelajar dari Asia. Saya satu-satunya perempuan dari 4 murid pertukaran di Lycee de la Versoie, sekolah saya. Saya tidak bisa bahasa Perancis sama sekali, dan orang-orang berlomba-lomba untuk bicara pada saya dalam bahasa Inggris. Saya tidak merasa kesepian, karena selalu ada banyak orang yang mau menemani saya. Masalah bahasa tidak begitu mengganggu, karena saya selalu bisa membalas perkataan orang lain dengan senyuman atau anggukan, dan mereka pun terlihat senang bisa berbahasa Inggris dengan saya.

Hidup saya di bulan pertama tidak mengalami perubahan yang drastis. Saya dikelilingi oleh banyak orang, yang walaupun saya tidak ingat semua nama mereka. Saya masih berhubungan nyaris setiap hari dengan keluarga dan pacar saya lewat internet. Saya makan nasi hampir setiap hari. Saya mencoba banyak hal baru disini, dari mulai makanan hingga jalan baru di tengah kota. Kalau saya bisa menyingkat hidup saya dalam satu kata, yang akan saya pilih adalah euphoria. Saya merasa sangat senang dan bangga bisa berada di Eropa. Saya senang mendengar perkataan teman-teman saya tentang betapa irinya mereka dengan saya, sementara mereka harus berkutat dengan rumus integral di Jakarta. Saya senang karena makanan disini begitu enak. Saya senang karena ada banyak bule cantik dan ganteng disekitar saya. Saya senang karena saya langsung menjadi murid kesayangan di kelas bahasa Inggris saya. Saya senang karena saya berada di jurusan bahasa, dimana pelajaran matematika mereka sangat mudah sehingga saya yang tidak bisa bahasa Perancis saja bisa langsung mengerjakan soal-soal tersebut dengan lancar. Saya senang karena hampir semua orang menganggap saya spesial, karena saya si murid Asia. Ya, euphoria, bukan?

Minggu demi minggu terus berjalan, dan kepopuleran yang saya nikmati mulai memudar. Orang-orang mulai menganggap saya biasa. Saya bukan lagi sebuah pusat perhatian. Saat itu saya sadar, tahapan euphoria sudah selesai. Saya bukanlah seorang turis, melainkan seorang remaja yang harusnya menjalani kehidupan normal disini. Sayangnya untuk mempunyai 'kehidupan normal' sama sekali tidak mudah. Saat itulah saya mulai mengeluh.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 4)

Setelah dua hari perjalanan, saya sampai di Paris. Ya, saya tidak bercanda, perjalanan saya makan waktu dua hari. Pesawat saya rusak di tengah jalan sehingga perjalanan saya terhambat dan saya juga harus menginap satu malam di Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Impian saya untuk melihat kota Paris dan menara Eiffel belum dapat terwujud, karena saya ternyata hanya dijadwalkan singgah di Paris untuk tidur lalu pergi keesokan paginya. Sore keesokan harinya, saya sampai di Tain, dimana ibu angkat saya menjemput saya.

Namanya Genevieve. Sejak pertama kali melihatnya secara langsung, saya tahu dia sama sekali bukan tipe wanita seperti mama saya, ataupun tante-tante saya. Cara berpakaiannya saja sudah menggambarkan bahwa dia bukan tipe wanita kota besar ataupun tipe wanita yang sering bersolek. Ibu angkat saya memakai setelan olahraga, saya langsung tahu bahwa dia adalah maniak olah raga. Saya ragu apakah saya nantinya akan cocok atau tidak, karena saya sudah dapat merasakan bahwa saya 180 derajat berbeda dengannya. Bilang saya sombong atau seenaknya menghakimi orang, saya saat itu hanya melihat dari kacamata subjektif seorang anak kota besar.

Akhirnya saya sampai di Thonon les Bains, kota dimana saya akan menghabiskan sebelas bulan kedepan. Saya bertemu keluarga angkat saya. Renaud, sang ayah; Caroline, anak tertua; Oceane, anak kedua; Robin, anak terakhir; dan Laska, anjing kesayangan. Dan benar saja, mereka semua pecinta olahraga. Tidak ada yang salah sebenarnya dengan menyukai olahraga, hanya saja saya tidak berbakat sama sekali dalam bidang tersebut, dan saya tidak suka jika nantinya saya dipaksa berolahraga keras, saya lebih suka membaca buku, menulis, menggambar, berbelanja atau menonton televisi. Saya tahu, saya adalah tipikal remaja ibukota yang manja, bukan? Untungnya di depan kamar saya ada sebuah piano, dan ternyata Renaud jago sekali bermain piano. Paling tidak saya bisa 'melarikan diri' pada tuts hitam-putih tersebut, dan akan ada lantunan melodi indah yang sering terdengar di dalam rumah.

Senin esoknya, kehidupan saya dimulai. Sekolah.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman.. (part 3)

Keluarga saya begitu bersemangat menyiapkan keberangkatan saya, sementara saya masih datar-datar saja. Kakek saya sampai bertanya, “Sebenernya kamu mau mau pergi apa ngga sih? Ngga gampang lho buat nyiapin keberangkatan kamu ini. Keliatannya kamu biasa-biasa aja, malah kayak males-malesan.” Blek. Saya saat itu hanya bisa berkata iya, toh tidak mungkin saya menceritakan kegundahan saya pada kakek saya, saya tidak mau membuat beliau sedih atau ikut bingung bersama saya karena kakek saya adalah orang yang paling mendukung saya selama ini. Saya tahu, keluarga saya sudah berbuat banyak untuk kepergian saya. Saya tahu seharusnya saya tidak perlu ragu, karena ada ratusan anak di luar sana yang menginginkan tempat saya sekarang. Saya tahu seharusnya saya merasa sangat beruntung. Saya tahu harusnya saya sangat bersemangat seperti teman-teman saya yang lain. Sebagian diri saya sangat ingin pergi melihat dunia dan mengalami kehidupan baru, namun sebagian diri saya yang lain masih berenang dalam kebingungan dan ketakutan.

Ya, takut, mungkin sebenarnya itu yang saya rasakan. Panggil saya pengecut, saya tidak akan marah. Saya takut menghadapi kemungkinan yang ada. Saya takut harus memulai suatu kehidupan dari awal, dimana saya tidak punya teman sama sekali yang bisa membantu saya. Saya takut teman-teman saya di Jakarta akan melupakan saya. Saya takut pacar saya akan memutuskan hubungan kami karena masalah jarak dan waktu yang terlalu jauh dan lama, saya takut kehilangan semua yang telah saya jalani bersama dia selama ini. Saya takut kalau ternyata kepergian ini adalah keputusan yang salah. Saya takut pada banyak hal dan saya tidak tahu apapun yang akan terjadi nantinya saat saya tidak ada di Jakarta lagi.

Satu hal yang saya tahu pasti, siap atau tidak siap, mau atau tidak mau, dan setakut apapun saya, saya harus berangkat. Tiket pesawat sudah dipesan, saya sudah cuti dari SMA Negeri 8, visa sudah di tangan, dan saya tidak mau mengecewakan orang-orang yang sudah mendukung saya selama ini.

9 September 2008, saya berangkat. Tentu saja saya menangis. Handphone saya tidak boleh dibawa.

lovey dovey thingy anyone?

last night around midnight i was still texting with my friend, then suddenly i realized that i haven't done this kinda stuff since a long time. not sending message on the cellphone, but texting my friends just to have fun or just to talk about random things to escape from some boring moments. I've just realized these past three years i was too focused on my bf. not that i didn't have friends or girlfriends, but i think my favorite subject to talk about with them was my bf, like all the time i talked about the lovey dovey thingy. and yeah, i could send like 200 messages a day to my bf. weird, huh?

okay so last months i broke up with my bf for like 2,5 years (and surprise surprise now he has a new girlfriend- hey I'm not supposed to be gossiping around about him, right?) and hey it's already a month? wow time goes really fast! okay back to topic, after that broken heart phase, now I'm already okay, gosh I'm so doing fine. jack johnson was right, you cant stop wishing if you cant let go ;) The good thing is, i dunno how, I've found some friends, and really I'm not the old mellow yellow adelia I've became these past 1 year. it's like... umm, free?

i can chat with anybody, i can go online every time i want. there's nobody jealous of me or telling me not to get too close with my bffs which happened to be boys. and it's just fun that i can send messages to my friends not for telling them my love story but just to get busy and laugh over some random things like the dull French class. yay the main thing is i can now open my eyes and mind for like everything. yeah like i said before, it's like being free.

not that i say i've had a bad relationship with a bad man, i think it's just me who took things too seriously and forgot about other things which actually are interesting. yeah someone was right about moving on, and maybe we just weren't made for each other. and i'm not saying that being in a relationship is a bad thing, no, i'm not scared of falling in love and having a relationship again, well maybe not now, but the thing is maybe getting too serious is not a good idea. after all, i'm still young, eighteen years old is still a long way to get married, right? ;p

and now i wonder, hey why was i scared being single? yeah kinda abstract, i think i was too dependent that time, not by the status but by the person. maybe i was scared nobody would like me except him, ah silly me i forgot about my bunch of fellas. okay the big thing is i'm not alone, i'll never be alone. and well now even though i wont be seeing that particular guy at the airport when i arrived in jakarta, or maybe i'll never meet him again, it'll all be fine. i'm out of that love, and i still have plenty of loves from my family and friends, and who knows what will happen next right? lol <3

bright sunshine and i'm all burned

iya ibu itu topless haha


i went to the 'beach' of Lac Leman on Wednesday. actually the beach is not a real beach. it's just the lakeside and there are some pools, nevertheless that's called a beach here. I finished school at 10, took the bus, and walked down to the lakeside. Then i arrived at the beach, paid the entrance fee, and walked around. it was my first time, so i was pretty much like a tourist. okay bref. than i swam for a moment, bought a super-expensive-panini (I should have brought my own sandwich!) bcos i was starving. then i sat on the ground. nope, i didn't want to have a suntan, I'm black enough you know. so i spent like one hour sitting doing nothing, seeing Switzerland afar, and then went home.

nah, the weird thing is i met my French teacher there. she was lying on the grass wearing swimming suit and eating apple. not that teachers are not allowed to swim, but it was just weird. i mean, you dont picture your teacher in a swimming suit and lying on the grass, do you? thank god it's france. i couldnt imagine seeing my indonesian teachers doing the same thing, it'd be awkward.

then when i was sitting back in the ground, i turned my head and see two nudists. two topless old ladies. i bet you've heard that French beaches are full of nudists. i didn't expect old ladies to be nudists (okay they still wore thongs), it was just weird seeing breasts being shown around. i told chantelle about these things and she said that she probably wont come to the beach, it's gross. but well there's a good thing, the pool guard was smokin' hot. yay. we'll go there next week maybe. anyway overall the beach was awesome, the scenery and ambiance you'll love it :)

okay that's all. now I'm sitting on the window, hoping for a wifi ( i take the neighbor's wifi connection lol), and actually skipping class. i don't have French class today, and i wag my physics class bcos there's a test (i can only come for 2 times per week, so i couldn't do much either. my schedule's a mess.) my next class is at 14h, still have plenty of time :)

bonne journee!

ps. untungnya sekolah disini gratis. jadi ga ada yang protes "udah disekolahin mahal-mahal juga!" haha

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman.. (part 2)

Dua bulan sebelum keberangkatan, saya bingung. Saya betul-betul bingung. Saya tidak bisa bahasa Perancis, namun saya juga tidak punya waktu untuk les bahasa Perancis karena sekolah saya menuntut hampir seluruh dari waktu saya untuk belajar dan belajar, saya sudah bilang saya bukan murid jenius. Saya belum siap untuk pergi. Saya tidak tahu kenapa saya harus pergi. Saya bahkan tidak tahu apakah saya sepenuhnya ingin pergi. Saya bingung. Sebenarnya, saya sendiri tidak tahu pasti apa yang saya bingungkan atau mengapa saya harus memusingkan semua ini. Bukankah semua yang saya dapatkan saat itu adalah sesuatu yang sangat indah, dan sudah saya inginkan sejak pertama ikut seleksi?

Kebingungan saya semakin memuncak di akhir kelas 2 SMA saya, saat surat cuti saya sudah didaftarkan pada pihak sekolah, saat saya sudah harus bolak-balik kantor AFS di Kebayoran untuk mengurus dokumen. Kepergian saya sudah hampir pasti, namun saya masih bingung dan resah.

Masa-masa orientasi sebelum kepergian pun dimulai. Saya, Adilla, Riri, Ajay, Nana, dan Hilfi, kami semua akan pergi melalui program AFS, kami dikumpulkan untuk membuat sebuah talent show untuk melepas murid asing yang akan pergi dari Indonesia, sekaligus sebagai debut kami dalam keluarga AFS. Pertunjukan kami berlangsung sukses, dan saya senang karena saya bisa mengenal dekat anak-anak yang tadinya saya tidak kenal dan saya tidak berani untuk dekati. Tenyata mereka tidak semenakutkan yang dulu saya pikir, harusnya saya dulu percaya diri saja untuk berkenalan dan bermain bersama mereka. Mereka semua sama seperti saya, mengapa harus malu? Saat pertunjukan kami usai, saya ingat, ada video yang diputar mengenai murid-murid yang akan pulang tersebut dan tahun yang mereka sudah jalani. Saya terharu, dan hampir menangis. Seorang dari kami berkata, “Gue jadi pengen cepet pergi nih.” Seorang lagi bertanya, “ Taun depan kita bakal kayak gini juga ngga ya?” Saya senang, penasaran, namun tidak tahu harus berkata apa, karena saya masih tenggelam dengan kebingungan dan keresahan saya. Bahkan saat orientasi nasional di akhir Juli 2008, saya masih bertanya-tanya tentang kepergian saya. Saya akui, saya memang menjadi lebih siap dan bersemangat untuk pergi, dan pembekalan serta pembelajaran yang diberikan saat itu sangat berguna bagi saya. Namun entah mengapa, masih tersisa keraguan di dalam benak saya yang belum teratasi.

Saya bertanya pada kakak-kakak yang pernah pergi, pada Dila, pada Elsa, dan pada Kak Elfi. Apakah yang akan saya alami akan sebanding dengan apa yang saya tinggalkan di Jakarta? Apa yang akan saya alami nantinya disana? Apakah saya bisa bahagia nantinya? Apa yang sebenarnya saya cari di Perancis? Apakah setahun di luar negeri itu sangat berharga sampai-sampai saya harus meninggalkan keluarga saya, zona nyaman saya, teman-teman saya, hingga pacar saya? Yang terakhir itu memang agak konyol, tapi saya kan hanya seorang remaja tujuh belas tahun, yang emosinya sangat labil dan terlalu membawa serius masalah percintaan, mungkin saya terlalu banyak membaca novel remaja atau menonton film drama korea.

the world of my own

lately i realized that something has changed within me. I'm getting more and more "alone". Not telling you that i dont have any social life, but it seems i enjoy wandering alone in my thoughts. It's kinda difficult to stay listening on conversations (especially when people talking about uninteresting subjects, in french, speaking loud and fast). I maybe listen for 5 minutes, and then get lost. I'm lost in the world of my own. And sometimes people's presence annoys me. Some people, not every people. I still love being among my friends.

Am i being authistic? It's like i'm not living in the real world. Although i have social life,i have to admit that most of my life is pretty mush about the internet, facebook and my blogs. I found out that i spend most of my times wondering what to write on my blog post. Weird isnt it? I'm becoming more and more solitaire. I dont know why. I'm not normal.

But i do have life outside, and back home in Jakarta.
I love blabbering around and laughing out loud. Outside.
This house depressed the hell out of me.
I need my friends.

Adieu

skyzophrenic? (hell i dont know how to spell it)

my host mum just told me that it pissed her off that i dont speak at all at home. she asked me if i realized that she didnt speak to me these past 2 days. okay, honestly i didnt. these past four days i was too busy finishing Angels and Demons and Da Vinci Code. but, bref, that's not the problem.

so this was today's dialogue, translated in english.
Hostmum: See, you dont speak at all!
Adelia: Umm, yeah (not sure what to respond)
H: Do you realize that i didnt talk to you these 2 days? It wasnt comfortable for you, right?
A: Yeah.. (i hardly realized that she was doing that actually)
H: And so i am, you didnt talk at all at home. that brings problem to the family! It's not funny anymore (Hey who told you that it's a joke?) You told me that you seldom speak with your parents too, but it's okay with them. But not with me here. Now it's too late. And I know that you really wanna go home now, but that's because of you!
A: Yeah (still dont know what to say)

I dont know. i really dont know.
She was right about going home, i want it, but not bcos i'm having bad times here. Nope. I do really have great times with my FRIENDS. Okay, i admit it, i'm not close with my hostfam. seriously not. i dont know, until know i dont feel like a part of family. they said that i dont wanna talk at all with them. but hell, what should i talk about with them? My break-up with my two year bf and then 2 weeks later he already got a new gf? of course not! Seriously i had no idea what to do. My friends keep telling me to talk and spare times with hostfam. But how can i do that if i'm not comfortable with them, especially with my hostmum! Damn. I dont know. I'm having great times outside, in school, but i hate being at home. I'm okay with my hostdad, i can talk to him, he's way better than my hostmum idk why. But well, if i cant solve this problem, i only have 53 days left anyway. Life sucks in this home.

ini puisi favorit gue

yay, i found this one like 7 years ago. my friend in YPM showed me a poem book by Ilham Malayu then i read this one and suddenly fell in love with it. I've tried to find the book in many bookstores but still couldnt find any. If any guys found the book with the title "Spring on the calendar, autumn in my heart" by Ilham Malayu, published in 1954, please tell me :)

so here's the poem..

In the darkness I see light

In light I’m alone

Alone I feel sad

In sadness I fell lonely

This kind of loneliness I don’t like

What I like I don’t have

What I’ve had I don’t like

In what I have there’s not you

Where you are I don’t know

In what I know people don’t see

In what they see I see illusion

What I want is very simple

Truth…and nothing but the truth

I doubted you

I’m still in doubt

As there should be only

One in a million, in this distracting sea of life,

to be met, to be found and to be loved forever…

In doubt,

In this emptyness of solitude

I want you…

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman.. (part 1)

Kisah ini bermula bukan di Bandara Soekarno Hatta di saat saya memasuki pesawat menuju Kuala Lumpur, ataupun di saat saya pertama kali menginjakkan kaki di Aeroport Charles de Gaulle Paris, namun jauh sebelum itu, sekitar satu setengah tahun sebelumnya, disebuah ruangan kelas XD SMA Negeri 8 Jakarta.

Hari itu beberapa kakak kelas datang ke kelas saya. Saya ingat, saat itu ada kak Amri dan kak Pamung dan mungkin ada kakak yang lain namun saya lupa siapa, yang masuk ke kelas saya,mempromosikan sebuah program yang telah mereka jalani, bersama sebuah organisasi bernama AFS dan Bina Antar Budaya. Mereka memperkenalkan diri dalam berbagai bahasa asing; bahasa Jerman, Inggris yang sangat lancar, dan Perancis. Terus terang saya terpesona, dan sepertinya mereka sangat bangga dan bahagia dengan apa yang telah mereka dapatkan setahun lalu di luar negeri. Saya ingin seperti mereka, dan walaupun saat itu saya belum tahu motivasi saya selain untuk 'coba-coba-siapa-tahu-dapat', saya memutuskan untuk mendaftarkan diri di seleksi chapter Jakarta. Saya pergi ke Jalan Teuku Umar, dan mengambil formulir bersama teman-teman saya. Pacar saya saat itu sempat marah karena saya tidak memberitahu dia kalau saya mau ikut program seperti ini.

Akhirnya pada suatu hari minggu saya datang ke STBA LIA Pangadegan untuk seleksi pertama, Bahasa Inggris dan Wawasan Umum. Disana ternyata ada banyak sekali murid-murid dari seantero Jakarta, dan saya tahu peluang saya kecil untuk diterima kalau saingan saya banyak sekali, apalagi banyak wajah-wajah jenius yang saya lihat disana. Disaat orang-orang lain sibuk membaca koran bahkan RPUL untuk mempersiapkan diri mengikuti tes, saya malah sibuk mondar-mandir menyapa teman-teman lama yang saya jumpai disana. Saat tes berlangsung, saya bingung. Tes bahasa inggris terbilang membingungkan, tapi saya cukup senang karena ada bagian membuat essay karena saya suka menulis, dan akhirnya hasil essay saya sepertinya mirip dengan buku harian, panjang, namun saya lupa apa yang saya tuliskan dulu. Tes pengetahuan umum saya terbilang kacau, ternyata saya tidak tahu banyak hal! Mana saya tahu lagu Nidji yang jadi soundtrack Heroes di Asia, saya saja belum pernah menonton Heroes saat itu. Parahnya lagi, saya bahkan tidak tahu kalau Sekjen PBB sudah bukan Kofi Annan lagi melainkan orang Korea yang saya tidak tahu siapa namanya sampai sekarang. Tapi Tuhan sayang saya, karena saya lulus seleksi itu.

Saya lalu mengikuti seleksi-seleksi selanjutnya. Disekitar saya selalu ada orang-orang berpenampilan prestigius atau berwajah jenius, namun semua itu bukan masalah, karena saya saat itu bukanlah seorang yang ambisius. Namun sejatinya saat itu saya cukup rendah diri, karena orang-orang disekitar saya sepertinya mudah bersosialisasi, sementara saya terlalu pemalu untuk memulai percakapan dengan orang baru, mereka semua terlihat 'hebat' di mata saya. Saya tahu, pasti di formulir mereka tertulis banyak prestasi akademik maupun non-akademik, tidak seperti formulir aplikasi saya yang saat mengisinya saja saya bingung mau menulis apa. Saya cuma murid biasa yang dikelilingi murid-murid unggulan di sekolah saya yang unggulan pula. Tapi sekali lagi, ah tidak, berkali-kali lebih tepatnya, Tuhan sayang saya, karena saya lulus seleksi-seleksi tersebut.

Bulan puasa 2007, saya diberitahu kalau saya lulus tahap nasional. Saya senang, tapi saat itu saya belum sadar kalau apa yang saya dapatkan saat itu adalah sesuatu yang 'besar'. Saya lalu bertemu teman-teman yang lainnya di kantor Limau, saya masih rendah diri dan pemalu, saya sepertinya hanya bicara pada teman-teman yang sudah saya kenal saat itu, yang berasal dari sekolah saya; Tony, Nana, Ajay, dan Laudy. Anak-anak yang lain entah mengapa, terlihat begitu 'wah' dimata saya.

Ketika ditanya negara mana yang saya inginkan, yang terlontar pertama kali dari mulut saya adalah: “Amerika!” Ya, Amerika. Saya ingin sekali ke Amerika. Amerika adalah impian saya, mungkin saya terlalu banyak menonton film dan serial tv tentang kehidupan remaja di Amerika yang menakjubkan. Pilihan kedua saya adalah Perancis, mungkin karena di Perancis tinggal tante saya dan saya ingin sekali melihat menara Eiffel. Pilihan ketiga saya adalah Jerman, bukan karena saya sudah belajar bahasa Jerman di sekolah, melainkan karena saya ingin menonton pertandingan sepakbola disana dan melihat Oliver Kahn serta Miroslav Klose bertanding. Yang ada dipikiran saya saat itu adalah, setahun ke depan saya akan jalan-jalan, rekreasi, liburan panjang layaknya turis. Mana saya tahu kalau ternyata pertukaran pelajar ini bukan hanya sekedar jalan-jalan.

Saya tidak jadi ke Amerika. Saya dapat ke Perancis.