The Gratitude List

Back in March and April, I went through a stupid depression. Well you know, the feeling that nothing goes right, that you cant do anything at all to fix your gloomy mood, and the loneliness even though you do have friends around you. I was just back from an amazing semester and I came back to a boring one in Depok; the lessons in here were not interesting at all; I faced a rejection from a program; and above all, I felt that skipping a semester finally took its toll: I was no longer one of the top notch in class - I didn't even understand how to compose a research proposal while the other kids already did a complete research.

That was a bad time. I cried from time to time over small things, even things that didnt make sense like not being able to get a cake for a friend's birthday on time. I knew i needed help, but going to a shrink was not an option.

One day, I stumbled upon Diana Rikasari's blog and found her notes on listing the simple things to be grateful for as a reminder that there's always something to be thankful for. And so I made one myself.

And boy did it work.

I started my monthly gratitude list in April and I'm still making it until now. I list the small good things to the big ones on my agenda and by the end of the month, the blank page is full of happiness. Looking at the list of good things makes me realize that life isn't as bad as it seems; that there are still things to be grateful for, even in the worst times. And that, my friends, has successfully brought me out of the stupid depression. I am a much happier person, I can think clearer, and I'm back to living in the bright side.

Moreover, making the list also brings me hope of what I want to write on next month's list. Having hopes, targets, and dreams is exciting, and excitement is exactly what we (or at least, I) need to get by, day by day.

Make yourself one, and feel the difference it brings.

Laters, baby.

Another Buzzfeed's Genius Attempt to Decipher Life Phenomenon

"Elementary, my dear Frodo. Sometimes, something makes so much sense that you can't believe it hadn't happened before."

Yes, indeed.

Hold On To Sixteen

Hold on to sixteen,
Where dreams and hopes can go as high and as wild as you can imagine,
Where falling in love is not a calculated move but rather an inevitable act,
Where we laugh and giggle all day long,
Where making mistakes is inevitable yet forgettable and forgivable,
Where numbers cant define who you are or what you're gonna be,
Where sparks of life are everywhere,
Where we're so young we cant even imagine being old and lame.

Hold on to sixteen.
Remember how it feels to gossip in the school hallways with your best friends,
Remember how it feels to have a crush on someone who is out of your league,
Remember how it feels to go through puberty, or in some cases, your mum's second one,
Remember how it feels to survive all the mess,
Remember how courageous you once were to get whatever you want.
Remember how great you felt when you were sixteen.

Hold on to sixteen
We are so busy growing up and growing up,
We forget how it feels like  to be free
To worry about almost nothing,
To not take mundane things for granted,
To appreciate the simple joys in life.

Hold on to sixteen
Whether you're nineteen, twenty two, twenty six, or forty.
Hold on to sixteen for at least a moment.
We have all of our life to catch up.

Jakarta, 8.45 pm.
As stupid as it may sound, thank you, Glee.

Butterflies In Your Stomach And Uncontrollable Giggles.

Yesterday I went to see (another) Yovie Widianto's gig in Social Media Festival 2013. That was the third Yovie's gig I went to in the past two months. I'm a big fan, of course, but seeing three gigs in less than 6 weeks is quite a lot. I still love the lovey dovey songs, the amazing vocals, the show off session on the piano (jealousy overload, sir!), and other things from the performance. But yesterday, instead of singing along to the songs -which I shamelessly admit to know every word by heart, I wandered away with my thoughts.

Wouldn't it be great if those songs actually mean something?

Yes, at some point, I do miss falling in love; going gaga for a particular person, or at least just feeling the butterflies inside my tummy and not being able to control my giggles.

In the same evening, I told my buddy that I actually enjoy being single and my weekends do feel much more interesting than they had been when I was with someone. "Yeah, but at times we just cant help but missing having someone to share some moments, right?" he asked. And boy was he right.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy and content. Believe me, hearing that from someone who bitches at almost everything is something big. I finally understand the "I just don't want a bf/gf at the moment' cliche and I can laugh at miserable people moaning about being single and bored on Saturday nights (seriously, people, how can you? don't you have TV series to binge watch or friends to hang with?); but I cant stop myself from wanting the flowery experience all over again. I mean, being head over heels for someone -even your idol- is pretty awesome, right?

Maybe I (and some of you) should just wait for the magical moments to come and for the unreasonable good feelings to knock. And yes, I do know waiting sucks, but hey, maybe the waiting time will make everything worth it. Who knows?

In the mean time, lets just eat puddings and spend times with our loved ones.

Toodles xx

I went total jigglypuff on Oct 13, 2013!