2012 Highlight: TF LEaRN @NUS

In September  i wrote a post on my exchange program, basically questioning the purpose of taking another semester off and wandering in a new place. Now, in the end of December, almost 3 weeks after the program  finished, i can finally come up with a conclusion: the same old conclusion, " I wasn't looking for something, yet i found so many things." Cliche, but it is what it is.

Going on exchange, travelling abroad and alone, doing new things, and meeting new people are addictive, you can never get enough of them. Once i got the taste of adventure, i kept looking for similar opportunities. My friend said that i'm an exchange bitch, another said that i simply couldn't stay content with life at home. Whatever. So for 2 years i had been looking for chances of exchange programs, something that can brighten up my dull college life, something that can change my life, again. There are few programs that i initially wanted to apply but then i cancelled because of some future considerations, so i was happy when i found this exchange program in NUS. I applied, and thank god i got in.

So Singapore it is. One of my recent favorite holiday destinations. The place where i first encountered rejection (from SMU back in 2010-damn that hurt). College dorm, one of the best universities in Asia, a place where i can finally be on my own. To be honest, i wasn't expecting many things. I mean, it was Singapore, with thousands of Indonesians, with places that weren't really new for me, with my high school friends studying there. What could go wrong? What could get so special? Later i learned not to underestimate anything.

I met new people from all over the world. AFS all over again, as i thought. I've never been good with new people. I can play nice, but getting close to new people is another thing. I spent my first weeks hanging around only with few people. Life was dull. New friends were so eager to go around the city, visiting touristy places while all i wanted  was to have some friends to go to random places and eat new things. Good thing that i got the chance to reconnect with friends from my high school. And as the saying goes "Bukit Duri sampai mati", i instantly enjoyed the togetherness of old friends and old memories. Plus i was the only girl in the crowd, so i didnt have to try hard to behave or being sweet; and they took care of me. Another blessing was meeting fellow indonesians in NUS. They were (and still are) super sweet. Ive never thought that Indonesians could be that sweet. I got close to them from my second month there. It was really nice to always have people to eat breakfast with (8am, sharp!) and to get invited to birthdays, gathering, and cooking sessions. My adoration for them grew just in a short time. I found myself comfortable enough to stay up late until 4am, telling stories and problems that was happening in my life, and sharing ambitions and dreams. I also made new friends, from my RA, my floor mates, the indian twins (whom i still couldnt differentiate if there's only one of them), my fellow TF Learn scholars, my classmates, and even the lunch lady.

Things got better eventually. I loved my life. I loved the craziness of NUS' academic life. Hell, I loved staying up late until 2 am almost every night just because i had to finish the readings or post some weird writings for my class. I loved that NUS has a music conservatory within a walking distance. Although the conservatory constantly reminded me of the fact that i'm never gonna be good enough to play on the concert stage, i loved the place because they have a huge music library and they have concerts almost every week. I loved the fact that in spite of the crazy schedule, i still could fit in some social times with friends, swimming sessions, and concerts. Life was finally as good as it could be. I couldnt ask for more.

The only thing that was nagging me was, if i was that happy with my life in sg, did it mean that there was something wrong with life back home? why couldnt i be this content before? will i be this happy when this is all over? Well, my dear boss from AIESEC just came up with the suitable answer: dont think too much. stop worrying about the future, most of us forget to enjoy the present, and they missed a lot. so i decided to stop overthinking things, and seize the moment.

My last weeks were another highlight. I got to get closer with my fellow TF Scholars (people from my exchange program). I hadnt been close to them in the beginning, maybe because i enjoyed times with other friends too much, maybe because i didnt try enough to get close to them, maybe i was still this selfish brat who loved to do things alone instead of having to wait and consider what other people think. But after the ASEAN Learning Journey preparation (a symposium on ASEAN things), one thing hit me, damn, i missed a lot of things, these people are so much fun, i have to spend more times with them. Short story, from study sessions, daily dinner, shopping spree, late night chat and movies, to tambay, i found myself in love with those people. We shared stories, secrets, laughter, even dirty jokes. It was late, but late is much better than nothing at all. After all, the friendship wont end when the program ends. I know well that the good and right people are hard to find, so if you're lucky enough to find them, you stick to them. 

The things i did, the people i met, the insight i gained left me with a notion of endless possibilities: that i can do anything that i want; that i can be who i am, there are still people wanting to befriend me; that good friends are like soulmates, and you can meet them anywhere if you can open yourself; that i can do statistics (!); that dammit, i still can speak french; that there are places to be and to visit; that there are still new things to discover; that i am good enough for good things (Gee, thanks, Tommy Tjokro!); that it is possible for me to get a PhD; that envy wont get you anwhere unless you do something about it; that heartache will heal eventually; that forgiveness and closure arent that hard to give; and above all, life is beautiful if you choose to live on the brightside.

The journey was a total opposite of what i thought it would be. The journey was a life-changing experience. (when i thought that i couldnt get another life-changing experience after France'08-'09). It was a humbling experience. At the same time, it was a mind-opening one.  But as what we believe in AFS, the real journey will start when the program ends. The friendships and love i found will restart after we say goodbye. The dreams and targets i found will start to be accomplished after i get back to reality. The values i found will start to be important when things get normal. Even the diet will start...someday (lol). As my friend, Arya, said in his blog, this is not the case where we can say that whatever happened in Cinnamon stays in Cinnamon. Whatever happened in Cinnamon, we bring it back throughout our next chapters of life.

Cinnamon College, NUS, TF LEaRN Programme, you will be missed.

Love, #20-107c.

This is the part where you can say "I told you so"

Maybe I should listen to others. Maybe it's not always okay to always want more, and sometimes you should be content with what you have. Maybe you should give things a chance, give time a chance, because things change and so do people. Maybe Oshin was right all over again, that nothing will ever work if you're not trying to make things work. Maybe my other friends were right, that somehow you should try to be content for a while, otherwise you can never be fully happy. And maybe, Rolling Stones was right, that you cant always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well you might find, you get what you need.

In the past four months, I've learnt to not take things for granted, because they can eventually vanish before your eyes. Now i have to keep reminding my-selfsh-self to do so.

Laters, baby.

Sometimes you need to look back and see how far you've come for. A tiny bit of pride can make you much stronger.

" How do you know what a dream is, if you never accomplished one?

How do you know what an adventure is, if you never took part in one? 

How do you know what anguish is, if you never said goodbye to your family and friends?

How do you know what diversity is, if you never lived under the same roof with people  
from all over the world? 

How do you know what tolerance is, if you never had to get used to something different 
 even though you didn't like it? 

How do you know what autonomy is, if you never had to decide anything by yourself?

How do you know what it means to grow up, if you never stopped being a child to start a 
 new course? 

How do you know what it means to be helpless, if you never wanted to hug someone and 
 had a computer screen preventing you from doing it?

How do you know what distance is, if you never said "I am so far away"?

How do you know what a language is, if you never had to learn one in order to make 
 friends?

How do you know what an opportunity is, if you never caught one?

How do you know what pride is, if you never experienced it while realizing how much you 
 have accomplished?

How do you know what it means to seize the day, if you never saw the 
 time running so fast?

How do you know what a friend is, if the circumstances never showed you the true ones? 

How do you know what a family is, if you never had one that supported you 
 unconditionally? 

How do you know what borders are, if you never crossed yours to see what there is on the 
 other side?

How do you know the world, if you have never been an exchange student? "


It's from one of my friends' facebook page, but it's been a while since these words appeared on AFS group. And it is nice, to see how far you've come, especially when you stumble upon the same questions all over again: what the hell am i dong here? what am i going to do with my life later? and hopefully, you'll come to a conclusion: this is worth the effort.

Good day to you!

Something that Kriza said

" Yeah, sometimes you need to take some space to know what you really want."

Roots before branches. You have to know who you are before knowing what you wanna be. I'm taking my space. I'm starting to know what I really want. Not done, but getting closer.

First world problem

I have trouble concentrating in one of my class. 

I keep picturing my friend as a fish ball.
I cant stop laughing.

Well maybe, just maybe...

Lately some of my friends got engaged or married. I'm happy for them, but i cant help thinking about their decision to settle down this fast. Well, 20-something is not that young, but still, how do you make yourself sure about that life changing decision you're about to make? I personally still doubt the concept of marriage, about living with someone for the rest of your life, having to deal with anything that may come, and of course, choosing the right one to undergo the journey together. Once again, how can you make yourself sure that he/she is the right choice? That everything's gonna be alright?

Moreover, i personally still don't get the idea of getting married young. I mean, you're young, you have to have many ambitions and random stuff to do on your list: from climbing Eiffel Tower to getting a PhD; from going on an eat-pray-love trip to winning a beauty pageant. Many things. I cant help but thinking that having a family and such commitment will bar you from doing what you really wanna do. For example, you can hardly take your hubby to USA, making him follow you there while you're doing your PhD research, right? (Well, that more likely happens to girls. Other things around will be different.) Why you wanna stop dreaming and complicate your way towards your life goal? I still don't get it. Maybe i am naive. Maybe i am just that selfish.

Some random thoughts last night.

I had trouble sleeping last night, and I just came to these series of thoughts. I somehow imagined if a celebrity suddenly appears in my life, and then we date for several months, and then ask me to marry him.. what would I say? Just say, it's Ian Somelhalder. Much older than I am, a kind gentleman, hot as hell, and well, rich. I'd probably say yes, no matter the consequences are. And then it hit me. I'd do such thing for a guy that i dont know (lie- i know many things about this guy lol), why wouldnt other people do the same for their loved ones? Well, maybe, just maybe, when you love someone so much, you'd do anything just to be with the person, and you'll be willing to leave anything behind, including your ambitions. Maybe. That's as much as I can get to understand my friends. I know I'm such a selfish brat, so I dont think I know better on this stuff.

Toodles.

To fall in love again

And I wanna fall in love with you again

I don't have to try, it's so easy

Who needs to pretend?
But because it's so funny

Let's just think about it honey

Let's just fall in love again

 

(Let's Fall In Love Again, Jason Castro)

 

((( Following the previous post: I watched the Magical Movie Concert. AMAZEBALLS. The Republic Cultural Centre'sConcert Room is slightly bigger than the one in YST Conservatory, but i still prefer the latter with its astounding sound quality and beautiful room. And of course, The Conservatory Orchestra played really really really well, and i once again fell in love with Jason Lai ( www.JasonLai.co.uk Go!). They played songs from Star Wars (never rly watched the series, but now loving the song); Titanic; Harry Potter (even more! Hedwig's Theme too!); Gone With the Wind, and many more. That was indeed a beautiful experience :) )))

 

Sooo. Falling in love. Some people brag about the beauty of falling in love, some say that it hurts (especially on those emo-esque twitter accounts and tumblrs). For me, falling in love ( or having crushes or flings) is always fun and exciting. I mean, with the jolt, rush, blush, and else? Yeah, that surely is fun. And before you think that i'm gonna be such a romantic dopey, no, i am not writing about that. I'll leave that to those cheesy twitter accounts you follow (admit it! lol).

 

Lately, I've been falling in love many times, easily: with life, and the many things it has to offer. No, I'm not exagerrating. Well, as i said on the previous post, i suddenly fell in love with that amazing 35 yo conductor (#fangirl) few days back. Today, i suddenly fell in love with Pokka's Peach Tea (where have you been all my life??). Also, I've just realized that i love the different accents i find here (I used to hate accents) and i find it interesting and appealing, well, and funny. What else. The $2 chicken rice at Clementi, Koi's Milk Tea, American politics, Obama's campaign, Mozart's Sonata in C, and many more. I guess finding new things, or facing old things in a new context, makes you see them in different point of view and appreciate it even more.

 

I'm not being overly positive or else, but i now know the saying "there's a light even in the darkest place" is true. There's always something good, even if you're not having a good time, you just have to stand back for awhile to find them (not that i'm complaining about my life). Finding new random things makes my day in daily basis. I mean, who knew that trying out new random drinks from the machine can make me this happy - and decide to write this post?

 

So, lemme be this kind of preaching person one more time: Life has so many things to offer: new things to see everyday and old things to see in a new perspective. Find those things, fall in love with them, whether it's new guy you encounter in your lame class, the simple Yong Tau Fu in your ever crowded canteen, or new songs you happen to hear in your french class, it doesnt matter. Keep your eyes open, expect life's latest surprises, dont take things for granted. You'll be surprised of the random things that can make you smile, and you'll find yourself loving your days even more. This way, you can make your crappiest days better, and live your happiest days even better. Well, at least, that's what i'm trying to do :) Falling in love is easy, and you dont even have to try. Well, as they say, when you know it, you know it. I'm leaving you (and me) with this sentence: dont be afraid to try new things, dont be afraid to fall in love over and over again. After all, falling in love is always fun, right?

Bisous,
A xxxx

 

(and no, it is not a sponsored post)

 

Concert and Ambitions.

So today i went to see a concert in Yong Siew Toh Conservatory of  music. Oh yeah, NUS has its own international conservatory which also has this amazing concert hall and a series of free concert. The 45-minute concert is the sneak peek of the orchestra's coming Magical Movie Music on Saturday. They played scores from Pirates of the Carribean, Gone With The Wind, some more, and... HARRY POTTER. You know that song heard when Harry's flying or playing quidditch? The title is Harry's Wondrous World. Hearing that in real orchestra version, like REAL music, wowed me. Breathtaking. Can hardly wait for the concert. 

Jason Lai, the conductor. Oh dear.

The concert left me with a thought... Conductor is the sexiest profession on earth. The hell with young executives with financial stability and else, conductors are much much much more appealing. Seriously. I'm so marrying someone from this conservatory. #EH

Bigger exposure on what world has to offer.

As i watch the concert and the wonderful scores, i went into the thoughtful part of my mind. yada yada yada, i suddenly realized that I am happy and content, and I cant ask for more. This is what I've always wanted. Being in a supportive environment to learn and develop yourself; exposed to the possibilities that you've never known; being in the best place to achieve what you want to achieve, knowing that your choices and efforts are the only thing that can get or bar you from what you want (well, except God). For me, those things popped in my mind when i was thinking about me sitting in the concert hall: I just finished a group meeting, I have these crazy long to do list, I gotta run errands, but here I am, still having time to squeeze in a concert to watch, swimming schedule, and social life. Yes this leaves me with major sleep deprivation, tight schedule, and love-hate relationship with my ever buzzing blackberry, but other than that I am extremely happy. I got the best of both worlds. And i said before, I am so grateful I cant ask for more. Alhamdulillah.

These past few weeks also opened my eyes, that there are more to life. There are limitless possibilities in the world that are waiting for me (and you). That you can actually be what you want to be, or in case you don't know what you wanna be, you can try as many thing as you want to get what you want, or just as a pursuit of happiness. 

There are more than just graduating from college and marriage and stable job. You can be a researcher, a professor, or anything. You can get as many degree as you want, and MONEY IS NOT A PROBLEM because if you try, there's always an answer, including on financial matters. There are more to life than just money and stability. Life is an adventure. Don't settle down, at least not yet. We're young and destined for something great. Carpe Diem, as The Dead Poet Society said.

Yes, there are more to life.

"You're young, of course you want to do many things! You have to do many things!" - Tommy Tjokro

"Trust me, this little town and little life wont be enough for you." - Klaus, The Vampire Diaries

My friends always say that I am ungrateful for being unsatisfied with my life and achievement, that I should be content with all I've already had and I shouldn't be too ambitious. My family don't like my ambition to pursue more and more on my education and adventure (after college), putting the stability and family plan behind. ( I am planning to get on my master degree before getting married, get as many adventures as possible, and have a high paying job before settling down. That means I will be at my late late 20s before thinking about marriage and kids and settling down. Most Indonesian people would reject the very idea). But then again, you only live once. I am not gonna die with a regret that I haven't done anything meaningful with my life. Not when I know i can do something about my life.

The notion of endless possibilities that have been exposed to me leaves me with a mental note: Don't stop, don't settle down just yet. There are more to life: bigger things, meaningful things. It is okay if you're not satisfied with what you have, that will make you strive for more. And when you strive for more, you do more, you will find even a bigger world. Wanting more is okay, it's a human nature. Be happy, don't forget to be thankful, and be content, but don't stop to get something more.  Because there are always more to life.

Toodles.

Singapore. Sept 12, 2012.

The stoner has a good point

Yep, that guy from Harold and Kumar (who actually is a political activist too). He's not stoned, and the speech is really good. No difficult and big words or advice, yet inspiring -in his own way.

"Enjoy your journey, especially as you're doing things that you don't entirely wanna do. And talk to people who disagree with you. Their perspective might change your mind for the better.... that does not mean you have to be that annoying person that says 'everything happens for a reason!'. Everything does not happen for a reason. Sometimes really terrible things happen, and sometimes there's no reason. Sometimes amazing things also happen and there's no reason either. I think that's the beauty in the magic of life."

"It's okay if your interests change, and people call you crazy..... Happiness can come from something other than financial security.... People might call you crazy, and that's not a bad thing. I've never had a friend who was called crazy who didn't do something awesome. They struggled, but they did something awesome.."

"Take risks, because i think you only really fail when you choose to give up... You should move to a city that freaks you out, you should take a job that you're nervous about taking... So if you wanna do something in you enjoy doing it, just don't give up. Take risks, because you only really fail when you choose to give up."

"So as you grab your fake diploma, the important thing to take with you, in my humble opinion, is the notion of endless possibility.... I hope you wear your craziness as a badge of honors. I hope you define success for yourselves... Go do crazy things, go do them with a smile."

Look what i found in my research class

 

http://cooley.libarts.wsu.edu/schwartj/pdf/Rubin_MsrLove.pdf

Those two are taken from a real psychology journal. Well, maybe it is possible to measure love. But the again, as seen above, love and liking scale items are different. You know, it's like in one of those twilight book (am i seriously taking that as a reference?) Bella said "I love you but i'm not in love with you" thing. So maybe you wanna give it a shot. Maybe you'll find yourself saying "oh, okay then", or maybe "oh, shit." 

Anyway, my research class is so cool, it has provided me these kind of random stuff, my prof knows Gangnam Style, and tutorials are made fun. Another reason to love this place- and oh, the Communication and New Media dept actually rank the 3rd best comm school in the world. Say what!

Anw, watch out for other weird stuff from my classes.

Ciao ciao.

People with quotes that dont make sense,....

Her SOUL? What are you, a death eater?

Ambitions, Ambitions.

Finding new ambitions, something to go for, is exciting.

(the quote doesn't match the list, but it makes the pic looks smarter)

They say that you have to write down what you want in life so you'll remember it better. They also say that telling people about your goals and ambition is necessary, so people will nag you along the way - to remind you what your goals are and whether you have achieved them.

This past few days i just found some new goals and it excites me a lot. I mean, finding new purposes in life is exhilarating, isn't it? Well, actually i just renew my 5 year plan into some more specific and well, tangible, goals. I had this dream of being someone like Giuliana Rancic, with the ultra cool job, inspiring life story, and well, Bill Rancic by her side. But then again, I should have a back up plan. I mean, what are the odds for me to get a job in E! channel as a presenter? I am still hoping for that tho, since i'm a believer of those positive thinking things. But yeah, i should have a back up plan, as great as the other one, but well, more tangible. 

So.. I just decided to try for Cornell or Sciences Po for grad school. I know I can (positive attitude ftw) and since I've declared it here, i will try hard to get it, and you guys can bother me along the way, and ask me whether I'm doing the right thing to get to that school. And please do.

In 2 or 3 years, please come to me, anyone, and ask me again whether I'm getting closer to that path. And even if you're nice enough to ask me that questions, like, once in several months, that would be even better. A constant reminder, no matter how annoying it is, is necessary. So, feel free to nag me. 

That's all for now. Well, for this post. I still have random things to post.

Bisous,

La fille avec bcp des ambitions.

"Why do you do this?"

" Well, I just want to prove that i am good enough for this.."

"Of course you're good enough!"

"And what's your ambition in here?"

"......" 

( A piece of conversation with Tommy Tjokro, May 2012. My favorite part.)

 everything is much more interesting when you're studying

That's my hand, painted with henna. the centerpiece and the Hindi letters were made by Syailendra, an Indian friend of mine. I hope that's really my name and doesn't mean donkey.

Those good old times on the internet

Remember when social media was your (well, mine, at least) safe place? A place where you could go blabbering around about stuff, where you could complain or comment about anything? A place where you didnt have to think about your image? Remember when you only had few friends on facebook and few followers in twitter? Yeah that was a good time.

If social media no longer can be a sanctuary and a safe place, where should we go? Should we go back to the diary era? Or should we stop giving a fuck about what people say about us based on what we post?

Time to think.
Toodles.

The Road (not so) Less Traveled

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I marked the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. 
 

-The Road Less Traveled, Robert Frost

What if the road less traveled stated by Robert Frost is actually not so less traveled? Back in 08, I was sure that the exchange year was a privilege that not many can get, or want to get (i mean, 17yo kid going abroad alone in an alien country without being able to utter even a single sentence?). Well, i guess things change when you (and other people) grow up. Now, having a second chance of being exchange student isnt as thrilling as it used to be (or it hasnt been, yet?).  Maybe it's not the time to have hey-lets-do-this-weird-shit-you-cant-do-back-home or the condition that requires you-gotta-do-this-otherwise-your-life-is-gonna-be-miserable stuff. Maybe it doesnt really make you feel special anymore, i mean i am in a place that have almost 500 exchange kids, so being one is like regular. Maybe it's because the stakes arent really that high now, the only thing that will mess you up is if you fail your class, if you mess up with your relationship here, you probably wont have a bad time or a messed up living and social experience. Maybe it's because i feel like i belong here (this fast?), with the kiasu-atmosphere and else. Yeah, maybe the last one. I dont even have to try that hard to feel at ease. Yeah, getting *good* friends still requires effort, but i can have fun easily, simply by reading stuff or wandering alone in the city (uh, same story.). Anyway, August in Singapore has been fun. And I'm finally content with my college life, so things are good.

Catch ya later with some other stories.

Everything comes for a reason, they said.

Back in 08-09 (YES I CANT STOP COMPARING THAT YR TO ANY EVENT IN MY CURRENT LIFE), I had an exchange year. I didn't know what exactly I was looking for. Well, I knew that I didn't wanna be like others (meaning I wanted to be/have something special compared to other kids- so I took "the road less traveled"). I knew that France had always been a big dream of mine, so it was kinda dream-fulfilling thing to do. I knew that I wanted to speak other languages. I knew those things back then, but those things were actually the small things, not the ultimate goals. So yeah, I actually didn't know the big reason why i took that road (well, being accepted was god's big plan and blessing, but applying for it was a crazy? random? or just typical? move). But then again, after a year of ups and downs and also questioning what-the-hell-im-doing-here, i found so many things that I didn't even know I needed, answers to questions I never knew I wondered about. And It was great. A true meaning of life changing. (I'm gonna stop here. Check out my old multiply blog if you wanna know my old exchange stories, even though Idk why you would.)

Another round, another quest:Singapore, 2012.

Got another chance to go on exchange program. Singapore it is, only 1hr flight from jakarta. A typical indonesians' getaway. I thank god for the chance, yet I'm struggling with the same old question: what am I trying to find here?

- a payback, since I was rejected by NTU and SMU back in 2010?
- a semester long break?
- a challenge that I cannot find in UI?
- a proof that I am good enough for this?
- another life changing experience? (Not really expecting it, I'm pretty satisfied w/ my french year as the life changing one. However, one cannot have many life changing events, rite? Otherwise it won't be as 'life changing' as it should be.)
- college life that I can finally fit in? (With the competitive atmosphere, opportunities, and working culture)
-  a humbling experience? (That's probably it. I need this one.)
- a chance to be a better version of me? (Being alone in random place does bring out the best qualities in you.)
- to be thankful? (4weeks and I'm already feeling grateful w/ life back in jakarta and in france-with the friends and places and ppl)
- another round of finding out what to do next and where to do it?

Well, everything has its own time to come. It's only been a month, and I'm sure I'm gonna figure those thing out in time. One thing for sure, exchange is always a festivity. No matter how near it is. And even when it doesn't involve cool traveling moments.

That One Thing You (well, I) Should've Known

After all these years, especially these past 4 years, the one thing that you should have known is everything will be right in the right time. Or in Hagrid's words: what will happen, happens. In Suta's words: everything will be perfect in God's time. Be patient. Breathe in, breathe out. Stop the envy, and chill. Everything's will eventually turn out great.