six months

What? its already December? Six months passed by sooooooo fast! Things are going well, sing scores are vary. School's nice, friends are great. ive finally found where my next path will be, in Communication or Business. yeah yeah yeah

OKAY. Gue baru baca postingan gue sebelumnya ttg insecure feelings gue ttg coming back home, but now i'm like having a great time and great things. And the best thing is, i dunno how but i think i've changed a lot, like whoa. who i am today is not Adelia last year. I mean, okay skip that crappy part about independence and bla bla, but well, i think that ive changed 180 degrees . more extrovert, cheerful, witty (wew) and else. and i like love love love it. Apakah ada yg berpikir kalo gue juga sangat berubah dan jadi pecicilan tingkat tinggi?

okay actually i dunno what to write now. bye

Time goes by...

...so slowly?
kadang kadang sih iya, especially when things dont go our way or when we're waiting for something. But most of the time, time goes by so damn fast for me. Mungkin waktu lagi dijalanin kerasa lambat, but then when i stop for a moment and look back, i'm always surprised how far i've gone and how fast time has passed me by. contohnya dulu waktu exchange year gue, kayaknya lamaaa banget nunggu hari berganti hari tapi sekarang saat gue udah balik lagi di jakarta, gue ngerasa wah, cepet banget setaun itu lewat, terlalu cepat malah.

konsekuensi kecepatan waktu ini (sok berat banget)adalah ke umur. oops i know its a sensitive problem lol. tapi ya, sekarang gue ngerasa, wow i am not young anymore. well, okay, eighteen is not that old, but when youre eighteen, your teenage years are over. people expect you to be mature (wth is maturity anyway?) and stop acting like a kid. okay gue ngga akan menjadikan postingan ini sebagai fate or age denial, tapi kalo mikirin umur dan waktu yg terus jalan, gue jadi agak terganggu aja. bukan karena sindrom wanita yang agak sensitif mengenai masalah umur, tapi lebih ke kebingungan dan sedikit penyesalan kenapa gue belom bisa berbuat banyak seperti orang-orang yang gue lihat di sekitar gue.

Coba liat Miley Cyrus atau Ashley Tisdale, umur segue dan udah terkenal ke seluruh dunia. Liat Kevin Aprilio: terkenal, jago banget main piano, dan sukses. Liat Sheila Marcia: artis, terkenal, hamil, penjara. oke ini gue salah contoh. tapi mereka punya sesuatu yang bisa bikin orang orang tertarik dengan kehidupan mereka dan mereka udah bisa dapatin apa yang mereka mau (their dreams, not only material thingies)

Sementara gue, 18 going on 19 (oh shit, 19 sounds soooo old!) masih kelas 3 SMA (fortunately bcos of great reason last year), still dont know what my life passion really is, masih terobsesi terkenal tapi ngga tau gimana, and well i dunno, tapi kalo ngebandingin sama orang lain, gue berasa.... kurang.

okay, gue ngga akan meneruskan postingan ini, bcos i know it'll be another naff post from me. anyway thanks for reading, happy lebaran, maaf lahir batin :)

je vous aime.
vous m'adorez, ne dites pas le contraire!
xoxoxo

Oshin wrote me this, she slways knows what is on my mind.

I can't see how the way that you leave me only makes us close
I must be out of touch.
I wont ask you to give up on the thing that seems to keep you gone,
but I COULD BE GONE too!

Feels a little sometimes you're not here when I'm writing
Feels a little awkward sometimes you wont talk but we're not fighting
You hold on to your secrets and I'm not privy to what is on my mind
and i cant help but feel tired, so tired, so tired.

Bongkar bongkar dan saya menemukan ini

So i found my old binder from my 10th grade (which was like hundreds years ago) and i found some poetry-thingies inside it. And since that I'm not in a mood to do anything useful, I'm just gonna post them here.

How can i stop spilling my heart for you
when your name flies in my thoughts
every time i try to get you out of my mind?

How can i just walk away and pretend that you're nothing to me
when you are the oxygen that i breathe in?

How can i easily say that i don't even remember how your voice sounds
when your voice, somehow, always fulfills
my hearing and my head?

So tell me, after all of this, how could I?
And of course, how could YOU?
You just walk. And go. And talk.

Don't you know that I wanna yell right on your ear:
Do you notice that I'm gone?
Do you notice that this isn't I should be?
Do you notice that it's you who broke me down like that?

But this has gone too far away.
Guess it's really time to sing Auld Lang Syne.
Satisfied, aren't you?

Dan oke, saya tau ini puisi fraktura hepatica (patah hati, literally) banget. Dan entah terdengar sangat emo-depressing. Sudahlah.

Boyfriends may come and go, girlfriends stay forever :)

We're not just another girl-gang. Weve been together since-what? forever?
Anyway, i just love you all. Thanks for staying with me for these past 14 years ;)

What future holds

So, they were right. Senior year is not that easy and this year you need to be much more mature and be able to choose your next path.

i hate choosing, why cant i have all that i want? but that's the point of growing up, isnt it? to be able to choose between life's choices. (and i hate growing up, i'd love to be forever 17, young, careless and lively)

Anyway, i'm not gonna whine again, i'm just gonna talk about choosing my next educational path. College.

People always say to follow my heart my passion, and dont take majors that i dont like or just bcos my parents want me to. But, hello? what about being realistic? Seenaknya mengikuti kata hati dan passion mungkin segombal bicara cinta-cintaan sinetron, cinta buta dan gapeduli hal lainnya, dalam kata lain tolol. emangnya bisa bertahan cuma dengan cinta? emangnya mau makan cinta doang pas gede ntar? Sama seperti passion. Mungkin memang ada orang-orang yang mengikuti passionnya dan sukses, dan tentu saja bisa makan dari penghasilannya tersebut. Tapi mayoritas orang mencoba realistis, dan kembali menjadi kapitalis yang hanya memikirkan bagaimana bisa hidup nyaman tanpa kekurangan.

Kalau mau ikutin apa yang sebenernya saya mau, saya bakal milih Jurnalistik atau sastra atau hukum internasional, atau yang paling aneh mungkin bakal jadi artis (obsesi terkenal). I love to write and tell stories, tapi saya bukan (belum) jadi seperti Sitta Karina ataupun Raditya Dika yang jago merangkai kata kata jadi suatu karya yang menarik dan berkesan.But one thing, i know that writing and telling stories are one of my passions. Yang lainnya adalah saya mau jadi orang yang bisa merubah hidup orang banyak, seperti presiden atau mungkin sekedar volunteer PBB. Yang jelas, saya ngga mau berakhir jadi mbak-mbak kantoran yang masuk pagi pulang sore dan kerja di depan komputer terus menerus. Saya mau punya karir yang seru.

Tapi punya karir yang seru ngga segampang itu, kan? Kembali lagi ke pertanyaan "Nanti mau makan apa kalo gede?" dan pernyataan yang selalu ada diberikan semua orangtua pada anaknya ttg memilih jurusan "Cari yang gampang buat nyari kerjanya.."

Menjadi idealis berarti ngga bisa realistis, itu kesimpulan saya sejauh ini.

Saya kenal beberapa orang yang rela melepaskan impiannya demi punya prospek kerja yang cerah. Teman saya, dia sebenarnya ingin mengambil teknik penerbangan, namun karena prospek kerja di indonesia di bidang tsb ngga cerah, dia lalu mengambil jurusan yang sama dengan ayahnya dulu.

Saya masih bingung dengan pilihan yang harus saya ambil sebentar lagi.

Happy fasting, cheerio!
bises,
adelia

Alter Ego, Drama Queen, and Me.

An alter ego (Latin, "the other I") is a second self, a second personality or persona within a person. It was coined in the early nineteenth century when schizophrenia was first described by early psychologists.[1] A person with an alter ego is said to lead a double life.

Okay, not that serious. But dont you sometimes think that you have two parts, two (or more) personalities within you? I do. The first Adelia is the most positive girl in the world who always smiles and laughs and sings and feels good. The second one is the melodramatic Adelia. Its like umm, weird? Yeah call me a weirdo, because i am. When i'm having the melodramatic moments, seriously, you dont wanna know or get near me. I'll whine and complain and else. Wanna see a drama queen? You gotta see me. And when i'm done with that phase, i laugh and regret what ive done before. (okay my grammar sucks.)

That's what makes me suddenly feel guilty about one of my friends. Me and the other kids agree that she's soooo drama and hyperbolic. She tells us about her never ending love and life stories and it annoys us sooo damn much, especially me. But few days ago i had this thought, what if i'm just like this girl, what if i annoy my friends so much, just like her? I have no right to blame and hate her if i'm just the same kind of girl, right?

I called my fairly godmother, Ajay, immediately and told her what was on my mind. And like the others, she said "No, Adelia, stay calm, Youre way better than her." But somehow i just couldnt accept it just like that, i just feel guilty until now. What if the kind of girl that i hate is just her alter ego, just like me when having bad moments? Or maybe its just her? I have no idea.

Gosh, i thought i'll stop having these kind of things in my mind when i'm back home. I thought my senior year would be just all about studying. But i guess my teenage years are not over yet, or maybe it's just me? no idea.

Thats all for now,
Gros Bisous,
and i know my grammar sucks.
xoxoxo
Adelia