Time goes by...

...so slowly?
kadang kadang sih iya, especially when things dont go our way or when we're waiting for something. But most of the time, time goes by so damn fast for me. Mungkin waktu lagi dijalanin kerasa lambat, but then when i stop for a moment and look back, i'm always surprised how far i've gone and how fast time has passed me by. contohnya dulu waktu exchange year gue, kayaknya lamaaa banget nunggu hari berganti hari tapi sekarang saat gue udah balik lagi di jakarta, gue ngerasa wah, cepet banget setaun itu lewat, terlalu cepat malah.

konsekuensi kecepatan waktu ini (sok berat banget)adalah ke umur. oops i know its a sensitive problem lol. tapi ya, sekarang gue ngerasa, wow i am not young anymore. well, okay, eighteen is not that old, but when youre eighteen, your teenage years are over. people expect you to be mature (wth is maturity anyway?) and stop acting like a kid. okay gue ngga akan menjadikan postingan ini sebagai fate or age denial, tapi kalo mikirin umur dan waktu yg terus jalan, gue jadi agak terganggu aja. bukan karena sindrom wanita yang agak sensitif mengenai masalah umur, tapi lebih ke kebingungan dan sedikit penyesalan kenapa gue belom bisa berbuat banyak seperti orang-orang yang gue lihat di sekitar gue.

Coba liat Miley Cyrus atau Ashley Tisdale, umur segue dan udah terkenal ke seluruh dunia. Liat Kevin Aprilio: terkenal, jago banget main piano, dan sukses. Liat Sheila Marcia: artis, terkenal, hamil, penjara. oke ini gue salah contoh. tapi mereka punya sesuatu yang bisa bikin orang orang tertarik dengan kehidupan mereka dan mereka udah bisa dapatin apa yang mereka mau (their dreams, not only material thingies)

Sementara gue, 18 going on 19 (oh shit, 19 sounds soooo old!) masih kelas 3 SMA (fortunately bcos of great reason last year), still dont know what my life passion really is, masih terobsesi terkenal tapi ngga tau gimana, and well i dunno, tapi kalo ngebandingin sama orang lain, gue berasa.... kurang.

okay, gue ngga akan meneruskan postingan ini, bcos i know it'll be another naff post from me. anyway thanks for reading, happy lebaran, maaf lahir batin :)

je vous aime.
vous m'adorez, ne dites pas le contraire!
xoxoxo

Oshin wrote me this, she slways knows what is on my mind.

I can't see how the way that you leave me only makes us close
I must be out of touch.
I wont ask you to give up on the thing that seems to keep you gone,
but I COULD BE GONE too!

Feels a little sometimes you're not here when I'm writing
Feels a little awkward sometimes you wont talk but we're not fighting
You hold on to your secrets and I'm not privy to what is on my mind
and i cant help but feel tired, so tired, so tired.

Bongkar bongkar dan saya menemukan ini

So i found my old binder from my 10th grade (which was like hundreds years ago) and i found some poetry-thingies inside it. And since that I'm not in a mood to do anything useful, I'm just gonna post them here.

How can i stop spilling my heart for you
when your name flies in my thoughts
every time i try to get you out of my mind?

How can i just walk away and pretend that you're nothing to me
when you are the oxygen that i breathe in?

How can i easily say that i don't even remember how your voice sounds
when your voice, somehow, always fulfills
my hearing and my head?

So tell me, after all of this, how could I?
And of course, how could YOU?
You just walk. And go. And talk.

Don't you know that I wanna yell right on your ear:
Do you notice that I'm gone?
Do you notice that this isn't I should be?
Do you notice that it's you who broke me down like that?

But this has gone too far away.
Guess it's really time to sing Auld Lang Syne.
Satisfied, aren't you?

Dan oke, saya tau ini puisi fraktura hepatica (patah hati, literally) banget. Dan entah terdengar sangat emo-depressing. Sudahlah.