I know you're right, Kris xxxx

Seconds hours so many days
You know what you want but how long can you wait
Every moment last forever if you feel you’ve lost your way
What if your chances are already gone
Started believing that I could be wrong
But you give me one good reason
to fight and never walk away

'Cause here I am - still holding on!

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe

You’ll make it through the pain (or through all your aches and pains)
Weather the hurricane
To get to that one thing

When you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams
Then take it by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher
You can go deeper
There are no boundaries
Above and beneath you
Break every rule 'cause there’s nothing between you
and your dreams

Every step you climb another mountain
Every breathe its harder to believe

Shia LaBeouf

nah, nothing's wrong with this bloke. he's hot yeah i know. but i was just wondering, where did he got his last name from? (from his dad, obviously) But La Beouf is a french word meaning the beef. Were his ancestors butchers? or They simply loved beef?

Okay i did some other test.. and they said..

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

You value your friendships: 75%
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

anyway, reading all these i started to think that i'm kinda a character from those chicklits ive read. the characteristics are just sooo chicklity.its me anyway xoxox

I did this personality test and it turned out to be so right.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

kangen!

Gue kangen istirahat kedua di RO. Gue kangen rapat-rapat aneh yang isinya ketawa terus. Gue kangen ngurusin anggaran, nelfonin alumni, sok sibuk kesana kemari. Gue kangen jas biru gue yang oke itu. Gue kangen marahin adek kelas. Gue kangen dipanggil 'kakak'. Gue kangen ngeliatin adek kelas panik. Gue kangen Dani. Gue kangen Tony. Gue kangen Dias. Gue kangen Handy. Gue kangen Fitri. Gue kangen Fika. Gue kangen Ghema juga. Gue kangen Indy. Gue kangen Ririe. Gue kangen Rino. Gue kangen Woro. Gue kangen Sona. Gue kangen Caandini. Gue kangen Ferdy. Gue kangen Ail. Gue kangen Bandung dan karaokean Inul Vista. Entah kenapa gue hari ini jadi kangen banget sama PO 43.

hello!

Momma's message that woke me up at 1am last night (I've been in France for like 11 months and my family still doesnt know -or realize or care- about the 5 hours time difference!): “Udah bayar BTA, toni jg ikut, placement test sabtu 18 juli, brg dia. Belajar yg banyak ya, Fisika Kimia Biologi Math biar sekelas dia Teh! Take care”

Dan gue ngga bisa tidur lagi, seperti biasa, bukan cuma karena gue emang gabisa tidur lagi kalo abis kebangun, tapi juga krn di otak gue tiba2 muncul banyak pikiran dan gue pengen bgt nelfon nyokap gue (which is ga mungkin, pulsa sekarat dan kartu telfon gue abis buat nelfon Disty) atau pengen ngoceh ngoceh sama siapa aja (ngga mungkin juga gue bangunin tmn gue, dan ngoceh pake bahasa lain agak susah dilakukan pada jam 1 pagi).

Yang ada di pikiran gue:
Emak gue ngapain bawa-bawa nama Tony? Tapi gue sih mau bgt sekelas sama Tony, since mungkin dia satu2nya org yang gue kenal.
“Belajar yg banyak ya” itu maksudnya apa??? First of all, otak gue udah TUMPUL. serius deh, gue ngerjain soal spmb (liat kunci jawaban tentunya) udah mau nangis (literally). Gue stress, ngga ngerti apa-apa, lupa semua. Setaun ini gue zonk ngga mikirin belajar sama sekali! Yang kedua, media belajar gue hanyalah buku soal SPMB ipa dan matematika. That's all. Gue butuh Pak Wicay, Pak Iman, dan Pak Mukti, dan Pak Hamid. Ketiga, gue lagi LIBURAN tolong ya, susah bgt buat buka buku ngerjain soal.
BTA ngapain sih pake placement test segala, iseng amat. Biar yang bego ngumpul sama yang bego, yang pinter makin pinter gitu? ADUH. Nasib gue gimana ini? Anw, ngaruh ngga sih tu test?
Tanggal 18 Juli adalah re-orientasi AFS gue di Wisma Handayani. Mana gue ikutan BTA?

Dan gue akhirnya gue ambil BTA 8 hari Sabtu. Tadinya mau BTA 45 tapi ngga jadi, soalnya mahal bgt dan total jamnya sama di BTA 8. Dan krn gue butuh les privat sama guru cina gue dari smp itu. Dan kata buku spmb gue, kalo cuma drilling soal-bahas ngga perlu bimbel. Oke gue tau itu ngga nyambung. However gue akan ambil BTA 8, les privat juga, CCF di salemba. Dan sepertinya gue harus mengubur keinginan gue untuk masuk Yamaha lanjutin piano gue. Gue jadi freelancer setaun deh, pas kuliah baru les lagi, mudah2an ngga terlalu telat. Hidup penuh pilihan ya kawan.

I know i should study now...

but instead of studying i choose to read MANY chicklits (when i say many, it really means a LOT). Ive read The Darren Shan saga (5-12), The Vampire Diaries (1-5), all Dan Brown's, Jinx, Jemima J, Mr.Maybe, Swapping Lives, and many else. Ive just finished Avalon High and The Boy Next Door and Size 12 is Not Fat. I should really stop this, i know. I read them all in English, and most of them are in British English. Good thing i could know some really-british-terms. Bad thing i speak less and less french i'm afraid i'm forgetting it now. But i cant stop, chicklits are addicting! (and pretty depressing if you're singe and seem to be having no luck in lovelife at the time being, like me) I wish i could be like Jemima Jones who lost 8 sizes, or Jean who has a gorgeous neighbor/boyfriend, or Melissa Fuller who has such an adorable and extremely rich fiance. Okay i know, i should stop. Stop it adelia!

And to complete this post, here is the top songs in my playlist

No Boundaries by Adam Lambert or Kris Allen. Both of them sing the song awesomely. And like all the winning songs, i love the lyrics.
Smilin' by Pascale Piccard. Youre definitely gonna love this one!
Sunday with a Flu by Yodelice. Good one, and laugh at the lyrics :p
Heartless by Kris Allen. He is a genius or what? Love his version! musta hear!
Wake Up by Sliimy. He's French Mika, and i'm just wondering whether he's gone worldwide or not. Really nice single, though.
Sempurna by Vierra. No need to ask, you all know i adore Kevin Aprilio's piano play.
Private Affairs by The Virgins
You are not Alone by Michael Sarver. not the Jacko version, but this one is really good.
You Found Me by Matt Giraud. Definitely much better that the original one.
Endless Love by Danny Gokey. jadi pengen kondangan.

Ps. I know most of it are American Idol thingies. Yeah, i'm still under that influence of American Idol. And yes i still adore Adam Lambert (and my highschool hotguy looks like him!), Kris Allen, and Danny Gokey. You cant blame me, those american idol versions sometimes are better than the original ones.

A Tribute to Jacko

Yeah i know it is late, he died last Thursday and it's Sunday today. But let me pay a tribute to world's biggest star: Michael Joe Jackson. Despite his weird behaviors and stuff, i admit that he was such a great person. I mean, he did influence two or three generations, right? Few years ago, when Justin Timberlake started his solo career, my dad saw his clip and said “Ah, another Jacko wannabe, he's just too influenced by Jacko”. It was just right, in fact is there any musician (or ordinary modern music enjoyers) who isnt influenced by the King of Pop?

What i like the most about Jacko's songs is not the touching lyrics (that's the second reason, however) but how we can sing well his songs (you know there are some songs that only the real singer can sing) however only the King himself can give the great “Jacko” effect, like his own style. Okay, maybe you cant understand my random words, anyway i just wanna say, Jacko you are wonderful. And in spite what we said about you about your controversy and else, we do love you, and it is a big loss losing you.

And here's my top 10 favourite Michael jackson's song:
You are not alone
Remember the time
Pretty Young Thing
Thriller
Heal the world
We are the world
Never can say goodbye
I want you back (Jackson 5)
Black or White
Human Nature

Rest in peace, dear King of Pop. You'll always be in our heart.

Mon Gateau tout chocolat ♥

Finally, i made a cake on my own, seriously! And it turned out to be good too! I havent tried it, but it smelled just sooo good. I'll eat it tonight. And here's the recipe ( i took it from a website and made some changes :p )

Gateau tout chocolat :)
for 6 persons

200 gr cooking chocolate
6 eggs
150 gr butter
100 gr flour
150 gr sugar

1. Switch on the oven to heat it (on scale 1-10, put on 6. or 200 celcius)
2. Melt the chocolate (if possible au bain marie: put it on a bowl and put the bowl in boiling water. But normal way would do good also)
3. Add butter and mix well.
4. In a big bowl or whatever, mix the eggs, sugar, and after the flour. Add the chocolate fondu, and stir well to make a homogene paste.
5. Put the paste on a mold (apply some butter and flour before, so the cake wont be sticky)
6. Bake it for 25-30 minutes.

Enjoy :) I havent taken a pic of my cake, I'll post it after. But for now, i have a barbecue party to attend!

MERDE

Ive messed up with my blog templates, lost all the settings and gadgets, and now my blog looks so revoltingly naff. bloody pink template i use. HELP! is there anybody can help me doing this thingy? I seriously suck on things like this.

ME BEING POSITIVE.

I've never thought that i could be THIS huge...
Oops, not a proper sentence to start a postive post. Okay let me start over again.

I've never thought that i could go to France before my twenties, let alone LIVING in France, but now, I'm here, aren't I? I've made it.
I've never thought i could survive stranded in the middle of nowhere, where I hadnt known anybody, where people speak alien language, but well, I'm here and i speak their language, right?
I've never thought i could be friend with good people here, let alone having bestfriends, but now, I'm surrounded with such nice and sweet people, and I do have bestfriends, like the ones i have back home.
I've never thought i'd be strong enough to step away from my previous relationship, that i couldnt bear any thought being alone, that i'm such a vulnerable person. But well, here I am, stronger than before, laughing at the silly girl i became, and thanking God for all of this. I've made it through, i even can laugh over things!
I've always thought that I'm alone, that I couldnt be extrovert enough to tell anybody my stories or problems, but then I was wrong, right? I do have many people to talk to, to trust, and who'd love to help me. And here I am, much more open to other people. I've made it.
I've never thought that i could speak English, let alone speaking French. I was that girl who had brilliant written grammar score but sucked at oral. But well, now I'm not that pathetic anymore, i can stand talking and blabbering in English, and I know that I'm getting better in French. I guess I've made it.
I've never had a good dose of self esteem and confidence, trust me. I had been so insecure and never felt good enough, almost of the time. But now, i feel a slight-no, make it big- change inside of me, i know i'm good enough for almost all things, as long as i can put trust in God and myself. I've made it.
I've never thought i could write so much, but here I am, trying to count how many post, crap notes, and other things i've put on my blogs. And how wonderful it is, there some people telling me some of my writings are good and thoughtful (well, sometimes, i mean the good serious normal ones, not my crappy shitty whiny thingy).

I've passed those selections back home, I've passed my worst and most vulnerable moments, I've passed my lonely times, I've passed the crap times here, I've passed those wonderful moments here, I've passed those crying and shitty moments, I've passed the language barrier, I've passed many things, the bests and the worsts. And I'm still standing still. I've made it.

Maybe afterall, I'm no longer that Adelia i used to be. Maybe I've changed, i dont know. But after all what I've been through, my 4th year in highschool couldnt be any worse or any harder, could it? I've made this big year through. It wasnt easy, i told you, especially for the naff and witty and spoiled brat like me. But thank God, I've made it through. Now, maybe afterall, going back home and starting (or continuing) my life, wont be a hard pain, n'est-ce pas?

I'll make through my senior year successfully, graduate with great scores, get a super university (maybe scholarship too? i hope!), mingle and love 2010, lost these bloody kilos, get some jobs, and else. Wish me luck! I'm trying to be positive!

Gros bisous,
Adelia,
votre fille preferèe.

lets take some words

If you don't know where you are going,
you'll end up some place else.
Yogi Bear
(and i still dont know where am i going next :( )

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
- Buddha

"Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day."
-The Dalai Lama

"Man, if you gotta ask, you'll never know."
-Louis Armstrong


"More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."
- Carl Sagan

i was just wondering......

is it really wrong that i'm not like others?
is it really wrong...

that i dont have the perfect body image like most of my friends do?
that i think a pet owner who seriously loves his/her pet is kinda idiot?
that i believe in love at first sight?
that i still believe Paris is a city of love?
that i read lots of chick lits and crap novels?
that i've played piano since forever and still cant play any chopin?
that i think that you cant build a relationship and even more marriage just from the L word?
that i still think maybe i'll end up with my first kiddie love someday?
that i take almost an hour before leaving home to choose my outfits?
that i dont care about the side effects of technology, like the cancer from laptop's radiation?
that i dont give a shit about eating healthy and bio, and how some food will bring you cancer?
that i still want to live an american highschool year, eventhough it's just impossible?
that i think the hardest part of my exchange year was to get rid of my feeling about that guy?
that i ridiculously really really wanna be San Chai and find a Dao Mind Shi?
that i am honestly still not sure which major to take next year?
that i can feel blank, not feeling happy nor sad for like many times?
that i can eat much then feel guilty but cant find a way to vomit?
that now i think i cant differ whether a food is delicious or not, as long as it's salty i eat them?
that i secretly have a low self esteem?
that i can really have a bad mood all day just because someone telling me little things that i dont like?
that i seriously hate seniors telling you what to do?
that i still cant speak french clearly to my hostfam?
that i hate thinking about grammars while talking?
that after all these months in france i still often talk in english?
that i still dont like being in another family's home which doesnt feel like my own home where i can wake up at 2 am and go to toilet without having fear of waking others up or making the dog bark?
that i hate intense sunshine, and i hate when people tell me that i must like the sun strike?
that i dont even bother to try any ski activity even though maybe i'll never get another chance?
that i think i've improved my english here and i feel like i'm having an exchange year in english speaking country instead of french?
that i still cant be close to my hostfam?
that i hate afs weekends because i feel so left out when everybody seems to be goodfriends?
that i have to search for a good topic to talk about with my hostfam?
that i often think that people dont appreciate me?

is it really wrong that i'm tired of following advices and not being me?

these few last days..

.. were pretty sad and amazing on the same time

After Jacky Day (where we can wear anything to school, and obviously we made such a mess at school) school was unofficialy ended, we didnt have many lessons left, and most student didnt come to school. I did, tho. I had classes, it was just like the other days. On wednesday me and my classmates did a kind of picnic with cookies and LOTS of cherries, then Thursday we went to the cinema watching a spanish movie from the Cannes Festival with Penelope Cruz in it. Weird movie, it was long and seemed to be never ending, and it had many naked and sex scenes too. bah. Then Friday we went to the park, and did another picnic. It was really nice, even though i got seriously tanned.
So friday was the last day at school. i thought i wouldnt cry- i didnt think i could even feel sad. but then i was wrong. i did cry. i hugged my friends, my classmates. i was really close to tears only last italian class when my teacher looked at me in the eyes and told me that it has been a great year with me, and that she thinks that i'm such a nice student. gosh no teacher ever told me that way. and later on me and my friends sat on the bench until 5pm, just doing nothing and cherishing the moment. then i went to the school ball, met some other friends, danced and talked. although there wasnt may people (only like 200 peep) it was pretty nice (and my hot guy wasnt there. anw, i KNOW his NAME. great. it's Paul). the bands are pretty lame, but the dj made it okay. then i went home at midnight and before that i hugged my friends that i thought i couldnt meet again, like Sonia and Nils and else. fuh i hate saying goodbye.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 10)

Liburan berakhir, dan saya harus melanjutkan kehidupan saya. Dua bulan terakhir saya di Thonon. Awalnya memulai kembali kehidupan normal terasa berat, bukan karena saya 'kehilangan' orang tua saya, namun karena alasan yang cukup konyol: patah hati. Tertawa saja, saya tak akan marah. Tapi tenang, kali ini saya bukan lagi remaja cengeng yang dulu. Saya sudah bisa menerima kenyataan dengan lebih mudah. Tahapan patah hati saya hanya berlangsung dua atau tiga minggu, padahal tadinya saya kira bisa sampai berbulan-bulan. Ternyata banyak yang peduli pada saya. Saya tidak sendiri. Saya punya teman-teman yang selalu menghibur saya dan melupakan masalah konyol ini. Teman saya bilang, saya sebenarnya bukan butuh support, melainkan dosis tawa yang tepat. Ya, tertawa dan lebih berpikiran positif. Dan akhirnya saya bisa merasa jauh lebih baik daripada bulan-bulan yang lalu, saya bisa tertawa dan menertawakan beberapa hal yang telah lalu, dan saya kembali mendapat satu pelajaran yang penting: hidup saya ternyata indah.

Ya, hidup itu indah. Kemana saja saya dulu? Mungkin dulu saya terlalu terfokus pada satu hal, sehingga melupakan hal-hal indah di sekitar saya. Mungkin dulu saya terlalu terikat pada pacar saya sehingga menyampingkan orang-orang baik disekitar saya yang tak akan pergi meninggalkan saya. Mungkin dulu saya hampir tak pernah berpikiran positif. Mungkin dulu saya terlalu menutup diri. Entahlah, yang dulu sudah tidak penting lagi. Yang penting sekarang adalah menikmati hidup saya yang menakjubkan ini.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 9)

Tapi untuk sementara waktu saya punya keluarga lainnya, yaitu teman-teman dan guru di sekolah. Ya, guru! Saya punya dua guru favorit yang kebetulan juga menjadikan saya murid favoritnya. Tidak, saya tidak KKN atau apapun, hanya saja saya begitu menyukai pelajaran mereka sehingga saya merasa harus sedikit berusaha untuk membalas jasa mereka dalam membantu saya. Simbiosis mutualisme. Saya cinta kelas Bahasa Inggris dan Bahasa Italia! Mme.Pangallo, guru Bahasa Inggris saya, begitu perhatian dengan saya. Suatu saat saya pernah sakit dan beliau menanyakan apakah saya baik-baik saja ataukah saya ada masalah. Saya dapat bercerita pada beliau mengenai hal-hal yang mengganggu pikiran saya, tentang teman-teman, tentang kerinduan saya pada rumah. Mme.Collinet, guru Bahasa Italia saya, adalah guru favorit saya sampai saat ini. Beliau begitu ceria, kelasnya selalu semarak, dan caranya mengajar sangat mudah dimengerti. Beliau juga sangat baik hati, pada awal kedatangan saya di kelas bahasa Italia (saya terlambat 2 bulan) ia memberikan saya tambahan agar saya bisa mengejar ketertinggalan. Beliau juga tidak segan-segan menerjemahkan kata-kata yang tidak saya mengerti dalam Bahasa Inggris, karena kemampuan Bahasa Perancis saya masih sangat terbatas. Dengan dua guru yang menyukai saya dan begitu baik, ditambah pula saya memang menggemari pelajaran literatur, bukan hal yang spesial jika saya sering mendapat nilai tinggi.


Liburan musim semi saya menjadi sangat berarti, saya menggunakan kesempatan sortie program saya untuk ke Paris dan bertemu orang tua saya. Sejalan dengan apa yang dikatakan pihak AFS, saya takut tidak bisa 'kembali' lagi nantinya ke kehidupan disini setelah menghabiskan waktu bersama keluarga asli, namun saya juga tidak bisa menolak ajakan orang tua saya untuk keliling eropa. Akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk mengiyakan rencana mereka, dan menghabiskan liburan dua minggu saya di luar Thonon. Beberapa hari pertama saya di Paris, saya tinggal bersama keluarga tante saya. Saya pergi menjelajahi Paris bersama teman yang kebetulan ada disana, Suta namanya. Saya juga pergi bermain di Disneyland Paris! Saat orangtua saya datang, perjalanan besar kami dimulai. Kami mengunjungi beberapa kota di Belanda, lalu ke Belgia, Luxemburg, Venise, Nice, dan Monaco. Perjalanan berakhir di Geneve dan Thonon, dimana orangtua saya bertandang ke rumah keluarga angkat saya. Pertemuan dua keluarga yang berlangsung dengan hangat, tidak seperti yang saya takutkan. Satu hal yang saya sadari, ternyata kemampuan bahasa itu sangat berguna ya? Saya beruntung bisa bahasa Perancis dan Inggris, bahkan saat di Italia pun saya bisa menanyakan jalan dengan bahasa lokal. Saya sangat senang ternyata pelajaran di sekolah bisa berguna juga! Sayangnya saya tidak bisa bahasa Jerman sama sekali, padahal saya belajar bahasa Jerman sudah tiga tahun. Diakhir perjalanan, saya baru ngeh betapa saya merindukan orangtua saya dengan semua kebiasaannya. Saya menyadari kalau saya butuh mereka, dan saya sangat sayang mereka. Saya harus jadi anak yang lebih baik nantinya saat kembali ke Jakarta! Oh iya, di liburan musim semi ini, akhirnya saya putus dengan pacar saya lho.

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part 8)

Matahari semakin lama bersinar, tidak terasa musim semi sudah datang. Saya yang membenci salju sangat menyambut datangnya saat matahari bersinar kembali dan orang-orang bisa memakai baju apapun yang dimau. Datangnya musim semi mengartikan bahwa saya telah melewati musim panas, gugur dan dingin. Datangnya musim semi mengartikan musim panas 2009 akan segera datang. Datangnya musim semi mengartikan bahwa waktu saya sudah hampir habis. Tapi waktu saya belum benar-benar habis, masih ada tiga bulan lagi untuk menyelesaikan apa yang saya sudah mulai disini, dengan diri saya sendiri, kawan-kawan, test bahasa Perancis saya, dengan pelajaran SMA yang sudah harus kembali diingat, dan dengan keluarga angkat saya.

Ah, bicara tentang keluarga angkat, saya akui hingga saat ini saya belum benar-benar dekat layaknya keluarga. Entah mengapa saya masih merasakan adanya sebuah batasan antara kami, namun hal itu bukanlah suatu yang menjadi masalah besar. Ibu angkat saya terus mempertanyakan mengapa saya jarang bicara di rumah. Saya bingung, saya harus bicara pada siapa atau mengenai apa. Keluarga kami hanya lengkap saat akhir pekan, dan bilapun ada Caroline, kakak angkat saya, dan Genevieve, sang ibu, saya pun jarang bicara. Saya bingung harus membicarakan apa. Kalau saya bicara tentang American Idol atau Gossip Girl yang selalu saya ikuti setiap episodenya, mereka tak akan mengerti. Atau jika saya bicara tentang Formula Satu serta pembalap favorit saya, Lewis Hamilton, mereka pasti bingung. Mereka bicara tentang ski dan hal-hal yang tidak begitu saya pahami. Dengan Renaud, ayah angkat saya, saya relatif lebih mudah bicara jika kami sedang makan berdua. Entah mengapa bicara dengannya terasa lebih mudah dan santai. Jujur hingga saat ini, ada sesuatu yang membuat saya jauh dengan ibu angkat saya, namun saya sendiri tidak mengerti mengapa saya merasa kurang nyaman berada bersamanya. Kadang-kadang saya merasa ia tidak menyukai saya atau kadang-kadang ia menganggap saya bodoh sehingga harus menjelaskan hal-hal kecil berulang-ulang kali, atau apakah memang itu hanya sentimen pribadi saya? Tapi seperti koin yang punya dua sisi, ketidakbegitudekatan ini membuat saya menyadari bahwa keluarga itu begitu penting buat saya. Saya selama ini hanya mengeluh tentang keluarga saya yang banyak masalah, yang nampaknya tidak sesempurna seperti teman-teman saya yang lain, namun nyatanya keluarga terbaik yang pernah diciptakan buat saya adalah keluarga biologis saya sendiri. Seperti pepatah yang terkenal, “you'll never know what you've got 'til it's gone”, saya baru menyadari bahwa saya butuh Mama, Papa, Pabas, Nenek, Kakek dan seluruh keluarga saya.

dear my fellow exchange friends,..

Put a smile and be proud,
it was not easy but we've made it through.
Don't be sad because we know we'll be back one day.
Time passed by so fast,
but we all know that we've had heaps of great and wonderful times.

Believe me,
our adventure is not finished yet,
it has just started.


Gros Bisous
ps: See you in Jakarta!

j'en ai marre.

okay i'm just fed up with everybody saying "hey adelia, you look so fat" and things like that. HEY i know my body better than you all, so dont worry, i do know that i'm as fat as winnie the pooh. do you think that i dont care? youre so wrong. i'm trying my best to lose these friggin kilos, but it's not easy! can people just shut their mouth up? i mean its okay when one or to people say that, but not everybody! i'm sick of it.

and i wonder, nobody ever complained about how fat their already-big friends. maybe if i weighed 80 kilos from the start, nobody would ever mentioned these nagging things to me. ive never been skinny though. i wish i could be anorexic or bulimic.

better, i wish i could stay here forever where my friends never asked me how many kilos ive gained and accept me the way i am no matter how huge i look or how many shits i blabber all day.

"Oh Merde."

Gaspard Ulliel
Adam Lambert
Danny Gokey
Ed Westwick
ah non, ça va pas.
Les Indonésiens
Les Français
Les Américains
ah mais non, ça marche pas.
Avec le grand sourire,
avec les lunettes carrées,
avec les cheveux noirs,
avec la guitare,
avec le foot.
C'est toi qui j'aimerais,
depuis toujours, pour toujours.
Si bizarre, si bien, si embêtant,
si presque impossible,
n'est-ce pas?

Oh merde,
ce n'est rien,
je me suis trompée.

bonjour!

Salut, comment ca va?
Je vais bien, merci. Et toi?
Je suis fache et j'ai peur.
Tu es malade? T'as perdu quelque chose? Tu es fache avec qui? T'as peur de qui?
Ta gueule. Je suis fache parce que je t'aime.J'ai peur de t'aimer.

dont ask, i dont even know what i'm writing now

che casino!

i was going to post something on my blog when i realized that my folder containing all my writings are gone. DISPARU. ILANG. man! i have the 10 pages of my french year memoir and a story that i've been working on since 2008 (i had it like 50 pages) and theyre GONE now. and no, i dont have any backups. ARGH.

anw, i had Jacky Day today, it was a lot of fun! and i saw that hot guy, he wore an old lady dress and still put a hat and another Louis Vitton bag (i wonder how many LV bags he has, since he use them almost everyday to school) and then i saw him wearing a normal glasses, with rectangle lenses, that guy couldnt be any hotter trust me.

lots to tell, but i cant write right now, i'm too pissed off. seriously. I wrote my stories with all those details about UK and EU and else, and theyre gone. merde

see ya
xoxoxo
i hope i could find where my data has gone :(

4 juin 2009

remember the hot guy i've mentioned yesterday? today he was sitting infront of my table at canteen. oh my gosh i couldnt think, i was panicking he was just soooo gorgeous. seriously. eventhough he has a big tendency to be a gay. and i guess his gf (i hope she's not his gf! lol) knows that there'a a strange and weird indonesian girl who is crazy about this boy. yeah whatever.yeah, thats him on the pic. i know im such a pathetic stalker haha

anyway, i saw a pretty dress, peach with ruffles. so sweet. i hope my mum will let me use it to the prom bcos its kinda 'open' i mean it's a sleeveless dress. but soooo pretty. and i saw a nice pump heels too. i havent bought any. i'm still thinking. anyway i have silver heels at home, i dunno if it'll match the peach dress. if they match, maybe i'll buy that dress.

And i did my DELF test too. easy. i thought it'll be full of grammars bah. i'll take the level B1 and B2 when i come home.

thats all xoxoxoxo

a rubbish post about a hot guy

you know, sometimes there are some person that can make you smile just by seeing their faces. No, i'm not talking about when you're falling in love and have butterflies flying inside your stomach, i'm talking about goodlooking people. In my high school back home, there are some boys that i can put into this type, you know the oh-so-goodlooking-type. They were my seniors, named L (who made all the girls in choir stop singing on graduation day when he walked in front of us, seriously) and another is M and R. (PS If you're in my highschool, and you're a girl, you'll know who they are xoxo).

Nah, these few days, some of my friends ask me if all french boys are hot like Gaspard Ulliel. Well, no. But suddenly i realized that hey- eventhough not all of those boys are goodlooking, there are actually some boys who are seriously hot. like the one i draw (couldnt get his pic). I dont know what his name is nor his class (absolutely not in my class). He looks like Adam Lambert, just not as 'extreme' as Adam. He's so smoking fuming steaming hot. Okay, at first he had that gay impression, but he's not gay (my friend told me he has a gf for 3 years, umm i hope they already broke up HAHAHA just kidding, i just hope she was wrong lol :p). He always wears a beanie hat, and he has his own style that never changes each day. Jeans, T-shirt (once he put on a vest), Aviator sunglasses, Jeans, Black Converse, and LV Sling Bag (you know, the postman type)- and oh yeah Louis Vitton. Gosh he's hoooooooot. I didnt know if French people could be this goodlooking.

And i know, he doesnt even know that i'm exist. Or maybe he does, considering that i'm like a stalker, stalking him around haha. I know, i dont have any chance to be his date (or maybe there is? crossing fingers! haha) I guess i'm not falling in love to, it's just admiration because how many times i have to tell you that he's the hottest boy on earth? I was standing 1m away from this guy yesterday on the canteen queue, and was eyeing him from 11 am until 1pm *i'm sick!* And hope he didnt realize that there's a strange wicked girl stalking him around haha.

And before going home, i WILL jump infront of him, ask his name and tell mine, and walk away. I wish. haha maybe i'll just ask someone what his name is so that i wont be curious for the rest of my life.

I know this post is rubbish, i was supposed to write something about my fear of going home, but i ended up talking about hot guys.Oh no, i was supposed to study for my DELF test TOMORROW. merde. okay j'arrete. wish me luck for tomorrow, hope the jury will understand what i say and i wont be having problems with those feminin-masculin thingy and those grammars. amen.

xoxoxo
bisous

ps. J'ai faim, mais il n'ya rien chez moi. Etjavascript:void(0) je suis en train de perdre quelque kilos avant partir. Mais je meutre de faim.

Love you 'til the end :)

I just want to see you
When youre all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When were caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end

Anyway, i'm not in love right now, it's just that i watched PS I Love You few days ago, and I just love this song. Maybe it'll be my favorite song ever, and take the place of my all-time favorite (Autumn's Monologue). And why i put that Paris Je T'aime banner, i dont know. I love Paris, and I really wanna go back there before going home.

so i have these two blogs..

why did i make two blogs? it's just bcos i found out that Blogspot is more 'open' and people who dont have a blog still can leave a comment. But i cant just leave my Multiply one since i have many contacts and they seem to be a kind of family for me. So i decided to have two blogs. And now i realize that it's kinda difficult to maintain both of them. I love the layouts and features of Blogspot but I still prefer my Multiply, since there are always some people who give comments at anything i wrote. So finally i decided to split these two blogs, i will write my random thoughts and else in two languages (or maybe i should start to use french or italian as well? lol). I'll post my indonesian notes in Multiply, and also some post that i need to hear some comments or suggestion about it. And for this site, i'll write something random in english, or maybe french if possible (lol) well except for those memoirs thingy that i've been posting (will still be going on, i still have like 5 parts of it hehe) it'll be in indonesian.

So feel free to open the link on the down left tab, the one titled “Salve! Mi Chiamo Adelia!” that's my other blog :)

xoxoxo

kalau saya boleh merangkum perjalanan ini dalam sekian halaman... (part7)

Hari hari saya selanjutnya berjalan begitu saja. Saya mulai merasa nyaman dengan kehidupan yang saya jalani disini. Saya pindah jurusan di sekolah, dan bisa berkenalan dengan lebih banyak orang. Saya punya dua sahabat, Landon, yang berasal dari Amerika, dan Eliott dari Meksiko. Emosi saya masih seperti roller-coaster, naik turun. Saat mood saya sedang baik saya sangat senang. Saat liburan tiba dan saya pergi ke Paris dan bertemu keluarga saya serta menara Eiffel, saya sangat terhibur. Namun saat kembali ke Thonon, saya mulai sedih dan bosan kembali kecuali jika saya sedang melakukan sesuatu yang asyik bersama dua sahabat saya itu. Saya kembali melankolis jika teringat hubungan saya dengan pacar saya yang makin blur. Saya mudah marah-marah tidak jelas kalau keluarga saya bertanya macam-macam dan terlalu khawatir serta menasihati saya layaknya anak balita. Tidak ada patokan jelas mengapa saya bisa tersenyum seharian atau merengut seharian. Saya memang aneh. Namun saya memang sering seperti ini saat dulu di Jakarta. Paling tidak saya tahu, saya sudah merasa seperti berada di rumah sendiri. Hal yang cukup baik, bukan?

Febuari, bulan keenam saya, datang, dan entah mengapa saya merasa hidup saya mulai berbeda, menjadi lebih menyenangkan. Saya mulai dekat dengan teman-teman sekelas saya, bahkan partner saya di kelas eksperimen IPA, Rachel namanya, dengan senang hati “membawa” saya ke dalam lingkup pertemanannya. Menemukan teman-teman dekat baru cukup menghibur saya dari kehilangan Landon, sahabat terdekat saya saat itu, yang harus kembali ke negaranya. Saya dan Eliott lalu kedatangan seorang murid asing lainnya, Chantelle, dari Selandia Baru. Hari paling spesial di bulan Febuari pun datang. Tanggal sebelas, yang merupakan ulang tahun saya yang ke-delapan belas. Mengetahui saya tidak punya rencana apapun untuk merayakan hari jadi tersebut, teman-teman saya berinisiatif membuatkan sebuah pesta kecil-kecilan di Pegunungan Alpen. Wow! Perayaan tersebut membuat saya semakin dekat dengan mereka, dan untuk pertama kalinya saya merasa 'diinginkan' sebagai teman oleh penduduk asli, bukan hanya sebagai objek yang menarik karena berasal dari negara lain ataupun perasaan kasihan. Saya merasa diterima, perasaan yang sudah sekian lama saya rindukan.

Bulan Febuari saya berlanjut dengan liburan musim dingin di Grenoble. Saya tidak pergi dengan keluarga angkat saya, mereka semua sibuk bermain ski, sementara saya tidak tertarik sama sekali dengan olahraga salju tersebut. Saya berangkat ke Grenoble sendiri, mengunjungi Segolene, teman sekaligus koresponden saya di AFS yang tahun lalu tinggal di Makassar. Liburan lima hari saya sangat menyenangkan! Kota besar, pusat perbelanjaan, pemandangan indah, makanan enak, hidup bebas layaknya mahasiswa, dan bicara bahasa sendiri! Setelah liburan berakhir, saya harus kembali ke sekolah, namun kali ini saya sudah berubah, saya memutuskan untuk merasa bahagia dengan kehidupan saya. Febuari adalah awal dari perjalanan saya yang “baru”.

Sebuah pelajaran penting yang merubah pola pikir saya dalam memandang hidup sebenarnya hanyalah hal kecil yang semua orang sudah tahu, yaitu bersyukur. Selama ini saya hanya memandang hidup dari sisi negatif sehingga saya selalu dapat menemukan kekurangan dari semua hal. Padahal saya seharusnya sangat amat bersyukur dengan keadaan saya sekarang, karena saya begitu beruntung. Saya punya keluarga angkat tetap yang baik, walaupun kami tidak begitu dekat, namun tidak ada yang salah dengan mereka. Teman saya yang lain ada yang harus sampai 5 kali ganti keluarga, dan ada pula yang ibu angkatnya sangat menyebalkan layaknya ibu-ibu jahat yang diperankan Leily Sagita dalam sinetron tengah hari. Saya tinggal di Eropa dan bisa belajar bahasa asing selain bahasa Ingris, lagipula saya tidak kehilangan kesempatan belajar bahasa Inggris disini, teman-teman dekat saya, Chantelle dan Landon, mereka semua bicara bahasa Inggris. Teman-teman saya yang lain, mereka semua begitu baik pada saya, satu hal lagi yang harus saya syukuri. Tuhan sangat sayang saya, kenapa saya lupa hal itu?