... I realized that not every dreams could come true.
As much as we want things, not all we want are tangible. either it's us, or the circumstances that don't let us. me? i have to let go some of my big dreams. maybe being nineteen gives me a new impression of life, reality and also acceptance of nonavailability. i have to say goodbye to that silly dream of having a cool American high school year, to the target of graduating from YPM (yes, as much as i hated it, i still want that diploma.), to the dream of Harvard Law School (or is it still possible?), to the dream of being skinny and tall (now!), to the dream of being a cool doctor like Meredith Grey, and many more.
but then again, you cant always have what you want.
i should be thankful, i got what i need. i got a great exchange year, ive fulfilled the passion of going to Paris and seeing Eiffel before my twenties (and by my effort!), ive gotten into University of Indonesia, majoring Communication (even though im not really sure what to do), my fam is in a good condition, i have good friends, i think people do like me, so, well, im happy.
But, still, a girl has her dreams. Lots of dreams. Graduating from college in less than 3 years, straight 4 GPAs, maybe a place in SMU next year?, be famous-really famous, get a show in Nat Geo or discovery, get slim and tall, and else and else.
Many things in mind. Yes, being nineteen, few months left before hitting twenty, i finally know what i want. now the thing is just how to make that happen. big job, adelia, big job. so world, here comes the not so little girl! :-)
lundi 7 juin 2010
A little blabbering on the so called soulmates
"No matter how much someone loves you, and how much you love someone, or even how you're meant for each other, if you don't work out on your relationship, it wont last long, or even if it does, it wont stay good, it wont go well."--- my fairy godmother, Oshin, like years ago.
So, what if soul mates don't really exist?
Now lets get started on some quotes. "The idea of we can only be complete if we're with the other half is actually pathetic." Yes, i couldn't agree more. What about people who choose celibacy, like Oprah in example? Yeah we all need company in life; family, friends, love mate, and else, but not only one single person. is it possible to have soul-mates? or even if you're already found your significant other, are you a hundred percent sure that he/she is your so-called soul mate? what if then it turns out that your spouse isn't your soulmate? what if, lets say, you thought you've found your soulmate, but then you were wrong, and you found another one, the real one? what if you're wrong all over again? until when will you keep on doing this hunt for a soulmate?
My favorite couple in (TV) world don't believe in soulmates. (And yeah, idk whether the word "couple" should go on with don't or doesn't.) I am talking about Chandler Bing and Monica Geller. "I don't believe in soulmates. we met each other, we liked each other, then we fell in love. but then again, we worked on this relationship. we managed. that's what makes us together until now." That clearly doesn't sound romantic, but i think Monica's got the point. (Anw, where's that cheesy side of me? Hello?) Love is just not sufficient. Soulmate inst as simple as finding someone, its more likely "working and staying with someone". that's my opinion. Not that ive already found one and getting ready to tie the knot (doh, ive just graduated from highschool like 2 weeks ago!). My mom always says that no relationship could survive only by having love. even in marriages, love will go away in like 15-20 years. after that, all you have are, respect, tolerance, friendship -a super special one, you can call it love, but by this term i dont mean the one that makes you blush or gives you butterflies. the kind of love that lies one step higher than the usual lovey dovey thingy, if you get what i mean.
as much as BJ Habibie loves his late wife, i bet they also had to work things out sometimes. they managed to get through all the obstacles and stayed together, and in the end it's fair to call them 'soulmates".
okay. revision. Soulmates exist. But a soulmates is earned, not only as simple as found. nothing comes for free.
i still believe that God has the right one for me, and i do believe that God gives good person a good spouse. I hope i'll get a good one. really good one. Amen.
Btw, i dont know what put me on writing this things. Too many episodes of Friends, i guess?
So, what if soul mates don't really exist?
Now lets get started on some quotes. "The idea of we can only be complete if we're with the other half is actually pathetic." Yes, i couldn't agree more. What about people who choose celibacy, like Oprah in example? Yeah we all need company in life; family, friends, love mate, and else, but not only one single person. is it possible to have soul-mates? or even if you're already found your significant other, are you a hundred percent sure that he/she is your so-called soul mate? what if then it turns out that your spouse isn't your soulmate? what if, lets say, you thought you've found your soulmate, but then you were wrong, and you found another one, the real one? what if you're wrong all over again? until when will you keep on doing this hunt for a soulmate?
My favorite couple in (TV) world don't believe in soulmates. (And yeah, idk whether the word "couple" should go on with don't or doesn't.) I am talking about Chandler Bing and Monica Geller. "I don't believe in soulmates. we met each other, we liked each other, then we fell in love. but then again, we worked on this relationship. we managed. that's what makes us together until now." That clearly doesn't sound romantic, but i think Monica's got the point. (Anw, where's that cheesy side of me? Hello?) Love is just not sufficient. Soulmate inst as simple as finding someone, its more likely "working and staying with someone". that's my opinion. Not that ive already found one and getting ready to tie the knot (doh, ive just graduated from highschool like 2 weeks ago!). My mom always says that no relationship could survive only by having love. even in marriages, love will go away in like 15-20 years. after that, all you have are, respect, tolerance, friendship -a super special one, you can call it love, but by this term i dont mean the one that makes you blush or gives you butterflies. the kind of love that lies one step higher than the usual lovey dovey thingy, if you get what i mean.
as much as BJ Habibie loves his late wife, i bet they also had to work things out sometimes. they managed to get through all the obstacles and stayed together, and in the end it's fair to call them 'soulmates".
okay. revision. Soulmates exist. But a soulmates is earned, not only as simple as found. nothing comes for free.
i still believe that God has the right one for me, and i do believe that God gives good person a good spouse. I hope i'll get a good one. really good one. Amen.
Btw, i dont know what put me on writing this things. Too many episodes of Friends, i guess?
lundi 31 mai 2010
Places, People, Insecurity, and dammit i wanna be slim!
WARNING: this will be a whiny meeney girly lame post. i am telling you.
I feel terribly fat and not good looking. well, the last one isn't fully true (if you know how snobbish i am). but yes, i feel fat.
i gained 13 kilos over my exchange year, even though i lost those frigging weight and got back to the before leaving numbers, i still feel fat. dammit. I TOLD YOU BEFORE ITS GONNA BE LAME. I've never been the kind of person who's comfortable with her body, nah, not at all. even though I'm not humble enough to be shy, but yeah i never like my body shape. not telling you that I'm not thankful with this perfect body, i mean i got all the body parts complete. but yeah, you know what i mean.
And even any of you got thinking that this has something to do with boy thingy, nope baby, you are wrong. have you ever heard the saying "Women don't dress up for men, but for other women." Oh yeah, talking about women ego and self confidence. isn't it stressful enough seeing like literally almost everybody looking skinny and really good? never mind the thought that you cant fit into those cool stuff on online shops which i bet only customized for models (and normal girls). And please, don't even start with "Curvy is sexy" dammit, it was Beyonce who said that. Beyonce. Look at her so called curve!
Okay i gotta stop. i know. what i really wanna write here is actually the fact that places and people could really change your mindset. environment shapes you, positively or negatively. in my case, its the second one. i remember back then in France, i was a huge girl (not gonna tell you the number!) yet i felt extremely comfortable with how i looked. i knew i was fat, but well, i didn't really give a damn about it. my friends were okay, everyone was okay, and so was i. it didn't even matter for me that most of my girls were like supermodels. but now, i look much better than back then, but hell i don't feel well. is it the place where i live in now? is it the people? is it the common sense here of good girls should look good, and by looking good they mean skinny? is it the atmosphere here where every girls wants to be skinnier and skinnier, even the skinny ones. is it the people who always feel free to comment about literally everything? is it the people who thinks that outer look says it all out loud? or is it simply me?
i don't know. maybe i should see a shrink. maybe i should see a nutritionist. or even a beauty surgeon (nah, cant afford that one for sure). all i know is i know i look much better than i did last year. but i feel worse.
I feel terribly fat and not good looking. well, the last one isn't fully true (if you know how snobbish i am). but yes, i feel fat.
i gained 13 kilos over my exchange year, even though i lost those frigging weight and got back to the before leaving numbers, i still feel fat. dammit. I TOLD YOU BEFORE ITS GONNA BE LAME. I've never been the kind of person who's comfortable with her body, nah, not at all. even though I'm not humble enough to be shy, but yeah i never like my body shape. not telling you that I'm not thankful with this perfect body, i mean i got all the body parts complete. but yeah, you know what i mean.
And even any of you got thinking that this has something to do with boy thingy, nope baby, you are wrong. have you ever heard the saying "Women don't dress up for men, but for other women." Oh yeah, talking about women ego and self confidence. isn't it stressful enough seeing like literally almost everybody looking skinny and really good? never mind the thought that you cant fit into those cool stuff on online shops which i bet only customized for models (and normal girls). And please, don't even start with "Curvy is sexy" dammit, it was Beyonce who said that. Beyonce. Look at her so called curve!
Okay i gotta stop. i know. what i really wanna write here is actually the fact that places and people could really change your mindset. environment shapes you, positively or negatively. in my case, its the second one. i remember back then in France, i was a huge girl (not gonna tell you the number!) yet i felt extremely comfortable with how i looked. i knew i was fat, but well, i didn't really give a damn about it. my friends were okay, everyone was okay, and so was i. it didn't even matter for me that most of my girls were like supermodels. but now, i look much better than back then, but hell i don't feel well. is it the place where i live in now? is it the people? is it the common sense here of good girls should look good, and by looking good they mean skinny? is it the atmosphere here where every girls wants to be skinnier and skinnier, even the skinny ones. is it the people who always feel free to comment about literally everything? is it the people who thinks that outer look says it all out loud? or is it simply me?
i don't know. maybe i should see a shrink. maybe i should see a nutritionist. or even a beauty surgeon (nah, cant afford that one for sure). all i know is i know i look much better than i did last year. but i feel worse.
mardi 15 décembre 2009
six months
What? its already December? Six months passed by sooooooo fast! Things are going well, sing scores are vary. School's nice, friends are great. ive finally found where my next path will be, in Communication or Business. yeah yeah yeah
OKAY. Gue baru baca postingan gue sebelumnya ttg insecure feelings gue ttg coming back home, but now i'm like having a great time and great things. And the best thing is, i dunno how but i think i've changed a lot, like whoa. who i am today is not Adelia last year. I mean, okay skip that crappy part about independence and bla bla, but well, i think that ive changed 180 degrees . more extrovert, cheerful, witty (wew) and else. and i like love love love it. Apakah ada yg berpikir kalo gue juga sangat berubah dan jadi pecicilan tingkat tinggi?
okay actually i dunno what to write now. bye
OKAY. Gue baru baca postingan gue sebelumnya ttg insecure feelings gue ttg coming back home, but now i'm like having a great time and great things. And the best thing is, i dunno how but i think i've changed a lot, like whoa. who i am today is not Adelia last year. I mean, okay skip that crappy part about independence and bla bla, but well, i think that ive changed 180 degrees . more extrovert, cheerful, witty (wew) and else. and i like love love love it. Apakah ada yg berpikir kalo gue juga sangat berubah dan jadi pecicilan tingkat tinggi?
okay actually i dunno what to write now. bye
vendredi 18 septembre 2009
Time goes by...
...so slowly?
kadang kadang sih iya, especially when things dont go our way or when we're waiting for something. But most of the time, time goes by so damn fast for me. Mungkin waktu lagi dijalanin kerasa lambat, but then when i stop for a moment and look back, i'm always surprised how far i've gone and how fast time has passed me by. contohnya dulu waktu exchange year gue, kayaknya lamaaa banget nunggu hari berganti hari tapi sekarang saat gue udah balik lagi di jakarta, gue ngerasa wah, cepet banget setaun itu lewat, terlalu cepat malah.
konsekuensi kecepatan waktu ini (sok berat banget)adalah ke umur. oops i know its a sensitive problem lol. tapi ya, sekarang gue ngerasa, wow i am not young anymore. well, okay, eighteen is not that old, but when youre eighteen, your teenage years are over. people expect you to be mature (wth is maturity anyway?) and stop acting like a kid. okay gue ngga akan menjadikan postingan ini sebagai fate or age denial, tapi kalo mikirin umur dan waktu yg terus jalan, gue jadi agak terganggu aja. bukan karena sindrom wanita yang agak sensitif mengenai masalah umur, tapi lebih ke kebingungan dan sedikit penyesalan kenapa gue belom bisa berbuat banyak seperti orang-orang yang gue lihat di sekitar gue.
Coba liat Miley Cyrus atau Ashley Tisdale, umur segue dan udah terkenal ke seluruh dunia. Liat Kevin Aprilio: terkenal, jago banget main piano, dan sukses. Liat Sheila Marcia: artis, terkenal, hamil, penjara. oke ini gue salah contoh. tapi mereka punya sesuatu yang bisa bikin orang orang tertarik dengan kehidupan mereka dan mereka udah bisa dapatin apa yang mereka mau (their dreams, not only material thingies)
Sementara gue, 18 going on 19 (oh shit, 19 sounds soooo old!) masih kelas 3 SMA (fortunately bcos of great reason last year), still dont know what my life passion really is, masih terobsesi terkenal tapi ngga tau gimana, and well i dunno, tapi kalo ngebandingin sama orang lain, gue berasa.... kurang.
okay, gue ngga akan meneruskan postingan ini, bcos i know it'll be another naff post from me. anyway thanks for reading, happy lebaran, maaf lahir batin :)
je vous aime.
vous m'adorez, ne dites pas le contraire!
xoxoxo
kadang kadang sih iya, especially when things dont go our way or when we're waiting for something. But most of the time, time goes by so damn fast for me. Mungkin waktu lagi dijalanin kerasa lambat, but then when i stop for a moment and look back, i'm always surprised how far i've gone and how fast time has passed me by. contohnya dulu waktu exchange year gue, kayaknya lamaaa banget nunggu hari berganti hari tapi sekarang saat gue udah balik lagi di jakarta, gue ngerasa wah, cepet banget setaun itu lewat, terlalu cepat malah.
konsekuensi kecepatan waktu ini (sok berat banget)adalah ke umur. oops i know its a sensitive problem lol. tapi ya, sekarang gue ngerasa, wow i am not young anymore. well, okay, eighteen is not that old, but when youre eighteen, your teenage years are over. people expect you to be mature (wth is maturity anyway?) and stop acting like a kid. okay gue ngga akan menjadikan postingan ini sebagai fate or age denial, tapi kalo mikirin umur dan waktu yg terus jalan, gue jadi agak terganggu aja. bukan karena sindrom wanita yang agak sensitif mengenai masalah umur, tapi lebih ke kebingungan dan sedikit penyesalan kenapa gue belom bisa berbuat banyak seperti orang-orang yang gue lihat di sekitar gue.
Coba liat Miley Cyrus atau Ashley Tisdale, umur segue dan udah terkenal ke seluruh dunia. Liat Kevin Aprilio: terkenal, jago banget main piano, dan sukses. Liat Sheila Marcia: artis, terkenal, hamil, penjara. oke ini gue salah contoh. tapi mereka punya sesuatu yang bisa bikin orang orang tertarik dengan kehidupan mereka dan mereka udah bisa dapatin apa yang mereka mau (their dreams, not only material thingies)
Sementara gue, 18 going on 19 (oh shit, 19 sounds soooo old!) masih kelas 3 SMA (fortunately bcos of great reason last year), still dont know what my life passion really is, masih terobsesi terkenal tapi ngga tau gimana, and well i dunno, tapi kalo ngebandingin sama orang lain, gue berasa.... kurang.
okay, gue ngga akan meneruskan postingan ini, bcos i know it'll be another naff post from me. anyway thanks for reading, happy lebaran, maaf lahir batin :)
je vous aime.
vous m'adorez, ne dites pas le contraire!
xoxoxo
jeudi 3 septembre 2009
Oshin wrote me this, she slways knows what is on my mind.
I can't see how the way that you leave me only makes us close
I must be out of touch.
I wont ask you to give up on the thing that seems to keep you gone,
but I COULD BE GONE too!
Feels a little sometimes you're not here when I'm writing
Feels a little awkward sometimes you wont talk but we're not fighting
You hold on to your secrets and I'm not privy to what is on my mind
and i cant help but feel tired, so tired, so tired.
I must be out of touch.
I wont ask you to give up on the thing that seems to keep you gone,
but I COULD BE GONE too!
Feels a little sometimes you're not here when I'm writing
Feels a little awkward sometimes you wont talk but we're not fighting
You hold on to your secrets and I'm not privy to what is on my mind
and i cant help but feel tired, so tired, so tired.
Bongkar bongkar dan saya menemukan ini
So i found my old binder from my 10th grade (which was like hundreds years ago) and i found some poetry-thingies inside it. And since that I'm not in a mood to do anything useful, I'm just gonna post them here.
How can i stop spilling my heart for you
when your name flies in my thoughts
every time i try to get you out of my mind?
How can i just walk away and pretend that you're nothing to me
when you are the oxygen that i breathe in?
How can i easily say that i don't even remember how your voice sounds
when your voice, somehow, always fulfills
my hearing and my head?
So tell me, after all of this, how could I?
And of course, how could YOU?
You just walk. And go. And talk.
Don't you know that I wanna yell right on your ear:
Do you notice that I'm gone?
Do you notice that this isn't I should be?
Do you notice that it's you who broke me down like that?
But this has gone too far away.
Guess it's really time to sing Auld Lang Syne.
Satisfied, aren't you?
Dan oke, saya tau ini puisi fraktura hepatica (patah hati, literally) banget. Dan entah terdengar sangat emo-depressing. Sudahlah.
How can i stop spilling my heart for you
when your name flies in my thoughts
every time i try to get you out of my mind?
How can i just walk away and pretend that you're nothing to me
when you are the oxygen that i breathe in?
How can i easily say that i don't even remember how your voice sounds
when your voice, somehow, always fulfills
my hearing and my head?
So tell me, after all of this, how could I?
And of course, how could YOU?
You just walk. And go. And talk.
Don't you know that I wanna yell right on your ear:
Do you notice that I'm gone?
Do you notice that this isn't I should be?
Do you notice that it's you who broke me down like that?
But this has gone too far away.
Guess it's really time to sing Auld Lang Syne.
Satisfied, aren't you?
Dan oke, saya tau ini puisi fraktura hepatica (patah hati, literally) banget. Dan entah terdengar sangat emo-depressing. Sudahlah.
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