Malam minggu di warung kopi.

Hei kamu, ayo minum segelas lagi.

Secangkir kopi belum cukup untuk menutup semua perih

Apalagi keingintahuan kita berdua tentang kisah terkini.

Hei kamu, ayo pesan segelas lagi.

Ayo lanjutkan basa-basi dan tawa-tiwi

Sebelum malam undur diri dan pagi datang kembali.

Ambil lagi sepotong kue kering ini,

Dan juga secuil curahan hati.

Ayolah, aku masih ingin lama disini,

Kalau bisa sampai pagi,

Atau salah satu dari kita mati dan tak punya pilihan selain pergi.

Mungkin sebentar lagi kamu harus mencari lagi,

Atau mungkin aku harus kembali menari,

Atau ada yang memaksa kita untuk lari,

Atau ada yang ingin berhenti menanti.

Ah sayang, tak perlu malu untuk tambah lagi,

Toh konter kopi tidak jauh dari sini.

Tak perlu lari, aku masih akan duduk di sini.

Atau kamu sudah bosan dan ingin pergi tanpa harus kembali?

To the ready, bright, and lucky ones.

I have trust issues. It takes time for me to trust new people. Maybe it's because I'm too judgmental at times, maybe because my judgement cant actually be trusted as i develop feelings towards others too fast —whatever it is, or maybe there's actually no reason for that.

Then I met you.

Yes, we might not have any other choice but to stick together. Yes, the circumstances forced us to be there for each other. And no, I'm not complaining. I couldn't ask for a better way to welcome undeniably one of the best things in my life.

I initially thought that our relationship would be like the ones I saw in chick flicks, where we smile to each others, pretend to adore one another, but deep down we hate each other's gut. I thought a month would never suffice to get to know others, let alone to build a strong relationship. Well, at least I wasn't all wrong with the latter.

It took time. We took a longer time. One month wasn't enough.

We had our drama. We had our badmouthing moments. Oh yes, we even hated each other at times.What can I say? We were different and we came from different worlds. But we kept on dancing, we kept on talking, we kept on walking. And you, you helped me to remember the steps, you reminded me to calm down and catch my breath when things got terrible, you even helped me to put on my fake eyelashes.

The month ended too fast, and yes, it still wasn't enough to get to know each other well. But then again, I didn't realize that we had smeared a foundation to what later would be a beautiful courtship.

Days passed by and almost no week passed by without us meeting. We talked, we laughed, we got mad, we ran behind the governor, we danced for my favorite public official, we tried new places to eat, and I guess we fell for each other.

There were times when I wanted to strangle you with my hairnet but there were times when I couldn't think of anyone else to run to. It was a love/hate relationship, but it was love most of the times.

This might sound sappy, but as our year comes to an end, I gotta say the three words: I love you.

But above all, thank you.

Thank you for being there for me —for the hugs, the make up sessions, the love. You might love me for being the bubbly one at any given time, but you somehow stick with me when tears were flowing from my eyes.

Thank you for making me believe that everything will be great in its own time. Thank you for making me believe that waiting —yes, for a year— wouldn't end in vain when you know what you're aiming for and when you know what to do in the mean time. Thank you for making me believe the cheesy line of 'kalau jodoh ngga kemana' is a legit thing.

Thank you for letting me be myself, even when I couldn't tone down my criticism, even when I turned into a crazy heartbroken girl, and for still loving me with all my perks and edges.

Thank you simply for being in one of the best years in my life. Thank you for the fun hours, thank you for the sleep-deprived nights, thank you for the sunny days we spent together.

For all the sentimental reasons, for all the rational reasons, well, even for no reason at all, I hereby say thank you, and again, I love you.

Happy anniversary, Si Pitung sayang!

Yes, this is a love note. And no, not for your eyes.

Falling for you was easy. Too easy, if I may say. You had me at hello.

Falling for you wasn't in the plan. It really wasn't. You intruded my plan.

But then,

I fell for you somewhere in between the giggles and smiles exchanged during our dinners. I fell for you somewhere between our birthdays. I fell for you somewhere in between the hustle bustle of working days. I fell for you somewhere in between the stolen glances and unfinished food. I fell for you somewhere in between the short trip to the praying room. Above all, I think I fell for you the hardest somewhere in between our conversations, somewhere among the numerous words in the many discussions of wizardry and the latest news.

But then again,

Life is a messy. It's supposed to be messy.

Coupling is a messy affairs.

And letting go, or —maybe, in this case—holding on, is even a messier business.

Yes, falling for you is unplanned. So is this whole mess.

But maybe, just maybe,

somewhere in between this mess,

We can find ourselves,

We can find each other's position,

And maybe, just maybe,

Things will end up good, whatever it may be.

Laters, baby! :-)

Obituari untuk guru piano terbaik

Nothing hurts more than words left unspoken,

Gratitude left unexpressed,

And relationship left unmaintained. 

I still remember the music rooms in the notorious music school,

The old Petrof that I secretly loved so much,

Even the grand piano that I played on Wednesday nights,

Yes, the one that made my weak fingers hurt.

I still remember the way I annoyed you each time I came into class unprepared,

How I couldnt remember the notes,

And how you complained everytime I missed a beat.

But then again,

I wont forget that you stood by me for more than 5 years,

You kept up with my lousy fingerings and sight reading on weekly basis.

You put your faith in me,

And yet you still let me make a choice when I had to.

Thank you for the music,

Thank you for the patience,

And sorry for all the headache I've caused.

But above all, thank you for treating me like a family, like a daughter.

And I am really, really, sorry that I didnt maintain our relationship when I got back in town.

Rest in peace, Pak Sentosa Selamet.

You will be deeply missed, as you always have been.

Waktu Rehat

Ada waktunya kita harus berhenti sejenak, menghela nafas, dan rehat.

Ada waktunya kita harus berhenti mengejar, berhenti mencari,

Dan diam saja.

Hentikan semua pemikiran,

Hilangkan semua pengharapan,

Hapuskan semua kecemasan,

Dan rehat.

Mungkin memang ada waktunya bagi kita untuk diam, dan mencoba mendengar yang selama ini tak terdengar.

Mungkin Tuhan sedang mencoba membisikkan sesuatu:

Bahwa mungkin yang selama ini kita inginkan sudah ada di depan mata,

Bahwa mungkin selama ini kita salah menginginkan,

Bahkan bahwa mungkin memang sebenarnya kita sedang tak butuh apapun.

"Istirahatlah sejenak," mungkin itu yang sedang semesta katakan.

"Istirahatlah, dan biarkan yang akan datang untuk datang, biarkan yang akan pergi untuk pergi, biarkan yang akan tinggal untuk tinggal," lanjutnya.

Sudahlah, sepertinya memang ada waktu rehat untuk semua hal.

Untuk aku,

Untuk kamu,

Untuk jam pelajaran,

Untuk pertandingan,

Juga untuk semua pencarian.

Selamat istirahat sejenak, selamat liburan. Selamat natal dan selamat tahun baru! :-)

Fall in love, even for the hundredth time.

Fall in love, for all the good reasons, for all the impulsive ones, or for no reasons at all.

Fall in love, just to take a chance on new things.

Fall in love, because even when it doesn't work out, you'll still get something.

Because even when things don't go as you wish, you still get a chance to learn.

To realize what you're worth.

To see what you want in a companion, or at least what you don't want.

And to finally be able to understand what Madonna means by "don't go for second best, baby."

Because even if you end up with your unrequited feeling in the end, you know that it's not a total loss at all.

Because you might've found other kinds of love.

A love for a new set of people.

A love for a dream job.

A passion that you've never regarded as a real thing.

A new perspective to see the world.

Because if it's not for falling in love,

You might forget what it feels like to want something,

What it feels like to have butterflies in your tummy,

What it feels like to try,

What it feels like to be able to let go.

Because if it's not for falling in love,

You might forget to appreciate the happiness simple things can bring,

Like a short call just to make sure that you're safe and sound,

Like a good luck shout out when you're going crazy with approaching deadlines,

Like a simple 'good job' on your work.

Fall in love, even if it's for the hundredth time,

Or for the very first time.

Because who knows,

Maybe it's another life lesson to make you wiser.

Maybe it's just another journey you have to take

Or maybe, just maybe,

Somehow things will turn out great this time.

(Et pour toi, oui toi avec les lunettes très chic, je te remercie. À la prochaine!)

The Gratitude List

Back in March and April, I went through a stupid depression. Well you know, the feeling that nothing goes right, that you cant do anything at all to fix your gloomy mood, and the loneliness even though you do have friends around you. I was just back from an amazing semester and I came back to a boring one in Depok; the lessons in here were not interesting at all; I faced a rejection from a program; and above all, I felt that skipping a semester finally took its toll: I was no longer one of the top notch in class - I didn't even understand how to compose a research proposal while the other kids already did a complete research.

That was a bad time. I cried from time to time over small things, even things that didnt make sense like not being able to get a cake for a friend's birthday on time. I knew i needed help, but going to a shrink was not an option.

One day, I stumbled upon Diana Rikasari's blog and found her notes on listing the simple things to be grateful for as a reminder that there's always something to be thankful for. And so I made one myself.

And boy did it work.

I started my monthly gratitude list in April and I'm still making it until now. I list the small good things to the big ones on my agenda and by the end of the month, the blank page is full of happiness. Looking at the list of good things makes me realize that life isn't as bad as it seems; that there are still things to be grateful for, even in the worst times. And that, my friends, has successfully brought me out of the stupid depression. I am a much happier person, I can think clearer, and I'm back to living in the bright side.

Moreover, making the list also brings me hope of what I want to write on next month's list. Having hopes, targets, and dreams is exciting, and excitement is exactly what we (or at least, I) need to get by, day by day.

Make yourself one, and feel the difference it brings.

Laters, baby.